Yuletide Blessing (and curse)

Today is the 24th of December 2011... Christmas Eve.

So far I got 2 gifts. A pair of some classic comics that I had when I was a kid. And finally a job.

Since I was "let go" by the company I worked for more than 5 years. I've been to a not-so-fulfilling job for 2 weeks. A part-time job that somehow sustained my literature (comics) and tons of job application.

I got to be more "domesticated".

And now, I'm happy and so-say merry that I got a new job with a good pay.

...and the curse part. Well, I really realized that I had an unappealing boss in a form of my previous company's VP (back then AVP). Anyway, it is somehow irritating that she would make a "retrenchment-reunion party" at the end of this year. Too be honest, IT IS really not appealing. So that's why, I have to bear in mind that the 5 years I've went through them, I'm forced to just walk away and never remember it.

So here's the Top 3 reason why I will cut my connections from that cursed 5-years @ TDS:
(by the way, wasn't aware that there would be a segway to this...)
1.) JBW & JK (or better known as "The Management") ways of improperly investing to something that people like us can actually do. (investing to other stuff that would make them look good and not their people)
2.) Colleagues who I thought are Friends but are really front & back stabbers. Let's give some names... Wynner, JM, Marc, some from Training Dept, ES Dept.
3.) Leaders who you thought will be there to completely defend you, but in the end they didn't have the balls to protect the people they said to protect and guide.

Anyway, I guess I have to just really vent out my feelings after more than 3 months of just not saying anything. I just really feel bad about what happened. I blame the people there. And also I should have said something or acted something. Like a protest or really voice out. I guess I can't do anything but just move forward and never look back.

I know it's the time to be grateful and merry. I am grateful that this thing happened, made me be more tough on facing it. And never give up.

Oh well, since I already vented out (finally). It's time to really move forward and never look back. :)

HRO The Office (Season Finale)

So how do i start?

let's go straight first. i will be part of the unemployed market by September 9, 2011.

yes, i just lost my job this morning.

well management tells us that our department, the one that i'm working at for more than 5 years is being retrenched and it's part of the "changes in the wind" situation right now.

it was announced yesterday during our general assembly by our president.

anyway, so there you go. i'll be jobless in a month.

basically i just need to finish my remaining works and turnover it by the end of the month.

and somehow, even we all know that the war is ending, we'll still going to fight for it. no matter what. we leave HRO with our faces looking up and proud.

it just saddens me that more 5 years here. i've grown and learned a lot.

so today. it's not a good day for all of us here at work.

Christ, what an asshole.

How can you enjoy a game (let's say DOTA or L4D) w/ your friends if your friends don't want you to join?

Whatever happened to having fun and supporting one another... you know, friendship?

I guess it says about being into groups or packs... like wolves or something. There will come a time that your so-called "friends" will stab you at the back and just leave you dead.

So far, it's the thing that is running in my head with some or most people here at work.

And somehow it's the reason why I'm planning to leave soon. To avoid any connections with them. They're such assholes. Seriously, even some people whom I trust a lot.

Anyway, I can still stay calm and keep it all to myself, or just releasing it through this blog.

And if ever I join them they'll mock me on why I "walked-out" before... sighs! how shallow can they get? Assholes!

Oh well, somehow, I still really feeling bad about it. But somehow, still can be subtle about it.... for now.

Now I really feel angry to all of them! Fuck them all!! I hope they all die!! (I know I sound like brat, but I'm starting to get angry while typing this blog... grrrr... I just really that angry towards them... all focused, enjoying and laughing there in the other room. sighs!)

Sometimes I just want to report them so that they deserve it, but I can't.

They're still my friends. Friends to tend to be assholes.

Anyway, I'm still angry at them and the one whom I considered close mocks me more... gaaaah!!

I'm still pissed!

grrrr...

why oh why... tsk tsk

hmm... the students haven't started to text me.

this is bad. really, REALLY BAD.

Bad in a sense that we can't do time-travel and make it all work right. I know there's a solution on this one, get the list of the 10 and call them to remind them. But I have other priorities to do, but I guess I should try to juggle things out and fix it.

Fix it. That's 2 words that somehow I'm not good at all. But let's see if I can fix this... w/o the help or assistance of others. It's my mess after all, right?

But still, after all this is done, I'm still going to kill Pong Aguila on this one. hahaha. No worries Pong, we're still good friends, but I'm really going to kill you for this one. :P

Oh well, it's almost 9pm, I need to heat the water, I'll be leaving at around 10pm.

later.

sniffles @ work

i hate when i get the sniffles at work... specially when it's the allergic-type of sniffles.

makes me really uncomfy, snobbish and unapproachable... plus sneezing too much, it make my heart weak, literally.

haaay...

i miss someone here at work... my buddy. i hope he's doing fine, recovering from his operation... and also i'll be missing someone here too... she's leaving work.

I hope we (the 3 of us) can still hang-out.

anyway... have to push myself to work for the day... even with this condition that I'm in.


laterz

loosing it again...

i guess it's another re-run of a quite depressing episode for me.

right now i can't think straight.

like i know what i will do and somehow it's organized but i just don't have the drive right now to work... like all my strength to go and work just wore off out of a sudden.

well not really out of a sudden... i was just demotivated by a lot of stuff lately.

w/c is making me hard to cope up.

to be honest, i know (really know) what to do... BUT i just don't have the motivation anymore to do it as of the moment.

people may see it that i might be avoiding the work task but it's not that.

just too many things in my head and somehow, i'm just standing there and doing nothing... like a catatonic state... but i'm aware of the things that are happening, i'm just not moving to doing some actions.




...ok, burn-out is at it again.

i give up. i'm tired of this so-called day job. it's not helping me at all to cope up. in fact it's more on pulling me down, morally.


i. give. up.

happy @ work?

...'nuff said. i'm just not motivated to go to work lately. with the things that is happening there, i'm hoping i can still see the brighter side of things.

crazy friday...

what's my job description again?

i guess in my line of work right now... the "job description" is just some food color or icing on a very large cake of styro-foam.

oh well... just came from a department meeting, which I can say one of the few boring meetings again. somehow, I try to "include" myself in the meeting, but somehow, i tend to just play some songs in my head.

yes, it's that boring... haha

anyway, i'll be staying here at the office 'til 8pm... 'cause my schedule today was an adjustment, due to the tire fixing this morning.

anyway, I'll just pretend to do something productive in the last few minutes of my work time, and maybe later I'll just play some PC games or just go home and sleep for tomorrow I need to be early to some school at Makati.

oh well, that's the day... Friday for me right now... hahaha something crazy again.

oh I miss doing my other field work... somehow. yeah, somewhat I miss doing the speech and aiming it directly to it or them... hahaha... fun and also worth it, not what I'm doing in my "day job".

anyway... I miss a lot of stuff right now. and now my mind is giving a lot of random thoughts... I guess I better stop it for now...


laterz...

pondering on stuff...

well, tomorrow... wait! make it 6 hours from now, I'll be turning 27.

27... three more years I'll be 30... wow. time do really run fast. or it's the other way around, where I'm too busy to notice how time moves. anyway, whatever... right now I'm turning 27 in a few hours.

and somehow, I want to do a short remembering the good ol' days... but I can't seem to to do that right now. I just don't have the time or the effort to do it... hahaha

all I can say that this year, pointing to 2009... it's been a challenging year for me so far. a lot of "tests" in life... and somehow, I'm managing to survive from it, but with a lot of injuries came with the surviving part. compared to the previous years, I'm seem to have a lot of mishaps in these "life tests".

anyway, I just hope things will turn out more good when I reached 27. Thou I know it's always up to myself on how should I take care of my life. but I just hope that things will start to fall for me in the right places.

oh well, I'm all by myself right now in my workstation, and I think I'm deciding to leave early for I need to sleep and somehow catch the 2nd to last episode of Smallville later on TV.

anyway, I guess i better greet myself a Happy and hopefully, a Prosperous Birthday for me.

laterz. c",)

my thoughts as of the present...

- I know it's not my business, but somehow i wanna ask "what's wrong?" and "are you guys ok?" but i don't want to sound like I'm prying on it. I'm just really concern to the both of you, 'cause both of you are really close to me and I don't want to see you both in an awkward situation. I love you guys!!

- I know you are tired from your holiday tour. but somehow do you really have to ignore me? I know you're tired and all. But every time!!! you really tend to give the shortest of short answers. you're like one of those applicants i interview that would not expound or go into some small details. they just give a one word answer. thus me failing them for not able to express themselves well enough. please i know you, and you're not like those people i interview. you're my closest friend. but sometimes, really sometimes, i feel like I'm nothing to you. and I'm hoping that feeling is not true.

- I'm not energized to do work anymore. and i don't know why. i want to grow more and learn more. but sometimes i just want to just stay in one area. and be annoying. and it's starting to annoy me that I'm becoming annoying at my line of work. what should i do?



... there some thoughts that have been running in my head lately.

no pun intended to some people that I'm referring at in this blog entry.

mad again

yes. i'm mad at this friend again for a stupid thing he did. i just can't stand what he did kanina at work and meddling with my personal stuff.

i know i have every right to be mad at him... and it really ruined my day's plan.

sighs!!!

i may join you on some crazy stuff but please, ilagay mo rin minsan sa lugar!! nakaka-bad trip ka talaga!


right now i'm deciding to not to see this friend for now... "see" in a sense never speaking to him, ignore his presence and just try to be civil at him when it's work related. if it's not work related forget it for now. again i'm really mad at him. and it may take more than 5 days to not really "see" him.

i've said my piece awhile ago by texting how i felt on the thing that happened.

i'm really REALLY mad at him!!!

huhu-hihi-hehe's work rant stuff...

it's been a while since i last blogged in... well like a month ago.

anyway, so far some things has changed. i'm handling an pseudo-account here at work. i'm handling training classes for people with a low possibility of getting hired, so yeah, basically i'm handling "charity" training. but somehow, it made my "work-groove" back. 'cause last months activity with colleges & universities was not really my idea of work.

yeah, i was a 2nd lead on the school projects. which i didn't really liked joining in the first place. but i was put in that place for me to experience it... so, i just put it in my "something to learn but won't really use it list". good thing i was able to learn a lot from that activity. not just the actual set-up but also on some people i work with in that certain activity. and so far, i really find it annoying... hahaha

anyway, right now, i'm just finishing some of the things i need to get it done. for tomorrow is the 2nd time our company is conducting a recruitment activity on a night time... and the only thing that worries me is the weather. yup... it must not rain tomorrow until sunday AM.

oh well, i guess i need to pray for the event tomorrow to be a success...

and now, i guess i have shut-down for now... i need my sleep. for tomorrow is the final battle of a week-long war here at work.

wish me luck! c",)

just trying to keep it right...

...and so far, i'm really still mad at my friend. thou, i'm somehow, wanted to make the first move in fixing this. but i think i need to stand more firmly this time.

anyway, i was able to "spit-bucket" to our common friend on my situation, and i think she's right that somehow our friend has a sense of what's going on, and its affected by it. but doesn't know how to act right...

i hope things will be all right. and i'm just hoping for the best for all of us. i really value our friendship. but i think we both need to grow and learn too.

anyway, i, in my case, still need to fix things on myself and again avoid being the "martyr" one... i guess putting a stance for a few days would be good.

i just really hope things will go on for the best...



anyway, just for some laughs... check the comic below. c",)

(click to see the large version)

letting go for good.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

*so i guess it's really good riddance... and i think i should let go off it already, 'cause i'm seeing it's not really worth it to fight for it at all. it's not really worth it.

that means i need to go too. leave it all behind and just forget them. not just a person, but everything.

and i guess, as this song says, "...but in the end it's right." maybe it's really for the best to just leave and let the past be still memories to be just posted on walls and never in my mind.

erratic attacks

what am i feeling right now?

well, i am having erratic feeling right now, with what's going on in my life... lots of erratic feelings... that would really contradict each other.

i just don't know how to fix it.

and the part that i hate is that, it's all on me... just me to fix. which is really logical since it's my life and not others.

so the question in my head that always asks me is, 'how do i fix myself, all by myself?'

well, it's starting to affect people whom i see close to me.

and somehow, in any point, trust can be shaken as well.



i guess there i was able to blog-out what i have not blogged or blurted out since i stopped blogging for more than months already.


now... just now, while i am typing this entry it kind of felt good. but i know i am not yet out of the dark place just yet. it may take time but at least i getting started to move for the better good. well i hope it's for the better good for myself and not the other way around, which is bad.

oh well, i guess that's it for now.

maybe soon i can blog-up again for updates on my so-called-life...


five by five.

it has been a while...

lately, i would post my journal entries on my other blog... my LJ account.

but thinking it thru... i miss this blog too... so i'm deciding that i'll post most of my other emo's here and the general ones on my LJ.... for example.... i'll post the things that happened on my LJ and i'll put the mixed-emo's on this blog...

in other words, this blog will be my outlet for my rants, shouts, frustrations, accomplishments and other mixed feeling of what i want to say... but can't say it.

...just like the previous blog entry... gets?