Christ, what an asshole.

How can you enjoy a game (let's say DOTA or L4D) w/ your friends if your friends don't want you to join?

Whatever happened to having fun and supporting one another... you know, friendship?

I guess it says about being into groups or packs... like wolves or something. There will come a time that your so-called "friends" will stab you at the back and just leave you dead.

So far, it's the thing that is running in my head with some or most people here at work.

And somehow it's the reason why I'm planning to leave soon. To avoid any connections with them. They're such assholes. Seriously, even some people whom I trust a lot.

Anyway, I can still stay calm and keep it all to myself, or just releasing it through this blog.

And if ever I join them they'll mock me on why I "walked-out" before... sighs! how shallow can they get? Assholes!

Oh well, somehow, I still really feeling bad about it. But somehow, still can be subtle about it.... for now.

Now I really feel angry to all of them! Fuck them all!! I hope they all die!! (I know I sound like brat, but I'm starting to get angry while typing this blog... grrrr... I just really that angry towards them... all focused, enjoying and laughing there in the other room. sighs!)

Sometimes I just want to report them so that they deserve it, but I can't.

They're still my friends. Friends to tend to be assholes.

Anyway, I'm still angry at them and the one whom I considered close mocks me more... gaaaah!!

I'm still pissed!

grrrr...

something new from something old

so, one of my teammates is being deployed to Cebu by next week. some of her responsibilities here at the Manila base will be passed on to me.

at first, i think i can take it. cause somehow, i'm quite familiar with the process. local account endorsements, monthly-weekly calendar budget and third party partnership with a job publication... well, hell ya! i can take it.

well right now, thinking with these added responsibilities passed on to me. i guess this is my "2nd chance" in redeeming myself from the fall i experienced from last March-May thing (aka HRO-C)... so somehow, i'm thinking deep again on how will i plan on making this something simple and yet very worth working at.

so there, my new responsibilities... and i'm hoping it will redeem me from my fall. and somehow, it will help build what was loss in me... or better yet, discover something in me.


anyway... i guess that's one thing nice from the weeks of work that i've been doing... and i guess it's time for me to shine again.


so wish me luck. well hope for the best.




laterz.

burning responsibility...

(click photo to enlarge)

ok ok... i can say that i'm a responsible person. but the comic-strip above says about the current project that i'm handling here at work. so for those who are familiar to my line of work and the current project i'm handling... the strip is like what i'm in with HRO-C classes.

i may be acting like i'm used to it or getting the hang of it... but this responsibility BURNS!!!

mad again

yes. i'm mad at this friend again for a stupid thing he did. i just can't stand what he did kanina at work and meddling with my personal stuff.

i know i have every right to be mad at him... and it really ruined my day's plan.

sighs!!!

i may join you on some crazy stuff but please, ilagay mo rin minsan sa lugar!! nakaka-bad trip ka talaga!


right now i'm deciding to not to see this friend for now... "see" in a sense never speaking to him, ignore his presence and just try to be civil at him when it's work related. if it's not work related forget it for now. again i'm really mad at him. and it may take more than 5 days to not really "see" him.

i've said my piece awhile ago by texting how i felt on the thing that happened.

i'm really REALLY mad at him!!!

just trying to keep it right...

...and so far, i'm really still mad at my friend. thou, i'm somehow, wanted to make the first move in fixing this. but i think i need to stand more firmly this time.

anyway, i was able to "spit-bucket" to our common friend on my situation, and i think she's right that somehow our friend has a sense of what's going on, and its affected by it. but doesn't know how to act right...

i hope things will be all right. and i'm just hoping for the best for all of us. i really value our friendship. but i think we both need to grow and learn too.

anyway, i, in my case, still need to fix things on myself and again avoid being the "martyr" one... i guess putting a stance for a few days would be good.

i just really hope things will go on for the best...



anyway, just for some laughs... check the comic below. c",)

(click to see the large version)

letting go for good.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

*so i guess it's really good riddance... and i think i should let go off it already, 'cause i'm seeing it's not really worth it to fight for it at all. it's not really worth it.

that means i need to go too. leave it all behind and just forget them. not just a person, but everything.

and i guess, as this song says, "...but in the end it's right." maybe it's really for the best to just leave and let the past be still memories to be just posted on walls and never in my mind.

erratic attacks

what am i feeling right now?

well, i am having erratic feeling right now, with what's going on in my life... lots of erratic feelings... that would really contradict each other.

i just don't know how to fix it.

and the part that i hate is that, it's all on me... just me to fix. which is really logical since it's my life and not others.

so the question in my head that always asks me is, 'how do i fix myself, all by myself?'

well, it's starting to affect people whom i see close to me.

and somehow, in any point, trust can be shaken as well.



i guess there i was able to blog-out what i have not blogged or blurted out since i stopped blogging for more than months already.


now... just now, while i am typing this entry it kind of felt good. but i know i am not yet out of the dark place just yet. it may take time but at least i getting started to move for the better good. well i hope it's for the better good for myself and not the other way around, which is bad.

oh well, i guess that's it for now.

maybe soon i can blog-up again for updates on my so-called-life...


five by five.

sos...

...


i hate it and now... i don't know how fix it... i wanna fix this soon as possible... danm!! i'm so stupid not to make actions before... sana i had the balls to talk with my best friend before... now, i'm being paranoid again and i'm afair it will be just like 2004...the year of greatest depression... and i don't want to come back to square one again!! i just really hate being like this... being depress because of my insecurity and my other bad stuff i want out of my system...

i need help!!! and i dnt know how to ask for it!!! i know the person who can help this... but i'm quite afraid to really ask for it!! I NEED HELP!!!

damn!! i just really hate this feeling of being all alone with no one to be with or to reach for help... i feel so alone right now... i feel like im just on a corner laying down dead... can't move or can't even think clearly... more like catatonic state... i just hate being depress!!!


HELP me bro!!!