March 31, 2004 / 2:40pm

the heat it so intense!! SOBRANG INIT!! sana maayos na yung pool a good, private skinny deeping would be such a relaxing way to enjoy... hmm. :)

ba't ganun? online pa rin si jax? hmm... sosyal na sya, pa-online mobile pa sya.... hehehe...

anyways, i have to take a bath na, sobrang init na talaga... at alis pa ako later, and thinking to whether or not watch the play maya at KC...

later!! :)

March 31, 2004 / 10:02am

gosh i miss my best friend so much... he's kinda online right now sa YM, nka-mobile... anyway, gusto kong kuamustahin, but i think he's doing fine... no need to chat with him. anyways (again), i kinda bored right now... oo nga 'no!! palabas na yung The Passion of the Christ sa cinemas today... but i have a play to watch later... sana tuloy yung lakad sa saturday... basta, ill watch.

hay naku!! mga puta naman talaga yung tao dito... hay naku!! later na lang uli...

March 30, 2004 / 10:33am

April will be just a few days away... hmm... SIGHS!! hopefully naman i could watch The Passion this weekend... at sana may mayaya ako sa pagnood.

you know, my mom texted jax... wala lng. buti mom ko nate-text ang best friend ko, ako hinde!! (joke lng...) renovation time eh... kaya stay away muna from each other and for sure the healing process will be much more ok and... healed. ah, basta!! miss ko na rin ang best friend ko... and hrap talaga minsan, but i have to be patient and all...

anyway, i have to finish this thing na pinapa-type ng tatay ko...

later!! :P

March 29, 2004 / 9:10am

hmm... kinda bored right now... i wanna go out, kaso la na akong pera. later i have to pick up the puto and deliver it to my mom's office. hay naku... boring 'tong araw na 'to. but i still miss him. but renovation is still on going... duno lng when matatapos, but can't wait na. :)

hay naku... sighs!! its summer and im bored... i wanna go out, atleats get wet (sa pool o beach)... ang kulit talaga ni lloyd sa YM!!

anyways, later na lng uli... :P

March 28, 2004 / 8:57am

i found out that there will be a Justice League: Unlimited cartoon poster. ASTIG!! para im starting to like DC... in just a cartoony way.

i wish may PS 2 na ako.. para bili ako ng buffy na game, kasi i wasn't expecting to finish the book in 2 days... hay naku. i need to buy a new book again. sighs!!

i also need money... yeah, its vacation and i hate to be a bumb before the summer class... road trip kaya uli kami ni lloyd?... hmm... anyways, enjoy ako nung friday kasi trip kami ni lloyd at hang-out kami at nina's house... she has the very interesting house... very-lifestyle channel house!! :)

anyway, im quite fine, but still under construction... later!! :)

March 28, 2004 / 8:12am

i feel better than before, but still not-that-ok. but the renovation is starting since yesterday. jax returned my stuff friday night... but i was able to apologize, then he nodded... which is a good sign. a while ago, i txtd him, and truelly apologized and textd him the things that im supposed to say to him... anyway, i said my piece. kaya under construction na ako until the right time comes.

i miss him so much, and still i have to learn a lot more... time will tell.

later. :)

March 25, 2004 / 8:40am

i feel good... and a little bit better than before. thanks to talking to ate kay...
tama nga... i should really let time fix things... it's somehow God's plan, for the betterment of our friendship. now im mentioning God, i didn't loose Him naman eh. i still believe in His power and all... anyway, RENOVATION is needed for the foundation to be stronger and a better relatioship to build... but it will take time... that i learned a lot!!

thnx kay!! anyways, i feeling better than before, i got a little bit more open minded and saw the different angle of the situation... i won't loose hope on myself and to jax... because all things will fall into a more positive place. :)

but i have to love myself first!!

i can do it na!!

i believe.

i am, somehow, relieved now. :)

again... the word is RENOVATION (tnx sensei lloyd!!)

March 24, 2004 / 5:45am

i can't sleep properly the whole night... kaya naabutan kong umulan ng arnd 3am... and it rained again 30 mins after...

shit!! i am so down and falling... i am so weak and i feel it that i am getting weaker everyday. i feel that my heart is being ripped off slowly... i wanna bleed myself right now... i hate feeling this way... and i wanna fix things up with jax. i wanna talk to jax, ask for forgiveness, and be cool na! i wish cool a kami ng best friend ko... i know i have been a very bad person and an awful friend to him lately... and I AM SO SORRY. i hope he'll forgive me and somehow help me too. i can't stand this feelings anymore!! ang sakit, sobrang sakit!!

but im not giving up!! but the pain is so devastating... para i wanna give up... but i won't give up on jax...

March 23, 2004 / 5:35pm

saw jax at national book store. i freaked out!! but i did what a person who doesn't want to give up the friendship... i said "hi!"...
sobrang kinakabahan ako... so far, he is still mad at me, and halatang umiiwas pa rin sya. can't blame him... but i saw his extreme saddness on his face.
the thing that i hate is to see my closest friends to be sad... and that really hurts me!! add to that, im the one who hurt him.

i feel so weak (sobrang nanghihina!)... i wanna bleed to death right now. i wish everything didn't happened the way it is right now.

i am puking everything right now and i feel like im loosing everything...

i miss him so much, and i won't give up on our friendship... i hate it that it takes time to fix up things... but i don't have a choice, i have to face this (and i wanna face this!)... and i hope ging was right, that ill be stronger, and hopefully wiser and also be more confident....

im crying right now... i feel like my heart is stopping to beat... anyways, i still won't give up on jax!! even if it takes my whole life to fix it...

='(

March 23, 2004 / 5:54am

im sick... im having the colds. because iv been hurting myself, thus i get sick...

why are there monsters in our minds?
because the monster that i have, hurt my very best friend... and somehow, destroyed the friendship... and so far i don't know how to deal / face this monster. but i thing is for sure, it will be a rough fight. because i want this monster to be put to sleep.

it's exactly 2 weeks and 2 days... no jax. i haven't speak to him, or him to me.
i hate it!! it's really hard to live normally, knowing that i hurt not just my best friend, but also myself. and within those weeks, i have been smoking... and to sum it up, i hate smoking... and now, im smoking, just to hurt myself... also an escape, a temporarly escape... but there is alwasy a price... sabog ang utak ko, sakit ng ulo ko, and the nicotine is consuming my body system.

hay naku...

i just hate my life lately...

March 22, 2004 / 5:41pm

just got home... with a slight headache. sarap pala ng gudang.
anyways, what happened 2day is quite crazy...
met lloyd kaninang umaga, the result, i bumped a parked car.
i was quite disappointed at some of my classmates, the result, i can't think.
took the chem finals, wrote a journal...
plus i am currently having the flu, colds & headaches...
hay naku!

oo nga pala, graduate na si lloyd... a big step for him!

i miss jax... very much. i wish everythings a-ok na...
i hate this, being depress... puffing... headaches... i hate 'em all!
i wish it's like before, we (me & jax) being best buds!!

but right now, im trying to move on... and being patient.

later!! :P

March 21, 2004 / 2:11pm

i am watching reruns of Jack & Jill... hay naku!
i cannot study for chem... kasi deins ko mag-gets... bwiset naman kasi ang mga ka-psych ko eh... doesn't make the efforr to atleast text me... so stupid of them!! hmm... so stupid of me too, being accomodative and all...
anyways, i just wanted company, in this time that i am "sad", tapos di sila sumipot... really makes me down and disappointed at them... hay naku... time will pass by (again!).

later... :P

March 21, 2003 / 12:27pm

i can't study for my chem finals!! and i feel very very weak...
i feel like im in a losing battle... but i will not give up my friendship with jax!!
its kinda a weird thing that happened yesterday. jax's mom called me and somehow, looking for her son. but i did what every friend would do, help the mom look for her son. so i did my part, i tetxed him tellinh him that his mom is concerned and looking for him. di ko naman inaasahan na mag-reply, but i did what i do.

hay naku...

anyway, im trying to review pa rin... but can't stop thinking on what to do for the summer, while im this state... i really wish the right time will come na... and im hoping, big time, that maayos yung friendship namin ni jax...

anyways, later na lang uli... :)

March 20, 2004 / 2:24pm

ang dami kong nang journal entries... SIGHS!!
haaay... i do miss my best friend... i really do.
ewan ko lng kung it's time... to talk to him (or not).
i am ready to apologize... but i think it's not yet to talk... maybe.
tama nga sabi ni ging, it takes time... kaya i have to be patient about it.
tama rin si lloyd, na betadine isn't always good for sugats... kailangan let natural blood clotting work first... fresh pa kasi yung sugat.
i hate it!! i hate that i hurt my best friend and i hate myself...
well there was (and most of the time) the thought of suicide... but i can't do it.
even it's the permanent escape... kaya payosi-yosi na muna ako.
kaso, sabog utak ko sa yosi eh... depression is such a bad thing.
hay... i wish we could talk things out...

later (uli!) :P...

March 20, 2004 / 2:12pm

shit!! di natuloy ang grp study!! and fuck my classmates!! di man lang sila nahiya!
every man/woman for his/herself... SIGHS!! nakakaasar talaga sila!! hay naku!!
ain't my problem... well actually, i kinda need help to in chem... but HEY with them!

anyway, i have nothing to do right now... which is quite bad for me, kasi this is the moment where i comtemplate and reflect of all the things iv done... hay naku!!
i just wish that everything will be a-ok na... my friendship with my best friend mean a lot to me... i guess time will tell...

LAter... :)

March 20, 2004 / 7:35am

hay naku... i feel so sad and alone (but not lonely!)
i miss my best friend. i know i messed things up. but i also know
that it is not yet the time to talk to him. busy pa yung tao, and i respect
his decisions... kaya let time pass by... but im also hoping for the best for him.
i wish everything would be a-ok na...

anyway, i wanna watch a movie... hmm... i wanna blaze-up my jessica zafra, male-bitch gig, para atlst matanggal yung depression ko... hay naku... :P
later! :)

March 20, 2004 / 7:21am

hi uli!! :) im just watching FRIENDS, but im still in pain...
lots of pain, sadness. but im NOT LOOSING HOPE!!
he is still my best friend, no matter what.
i know iv made a lot of mistakes, and messed up our friendship,
but im willing to let time fix it. and myself to be fixed up...
later...

March 20, 2004 / 7:15am

im at home... still depress and all. but i think im moving up (I THINK!)
yet i miss, so much, my best friend. i really wanted to apologize. really i do.
i know things will change. but i love that guy!! he's my best friend.
anyway, ill be having a study grp late for my chem finals. hay naku...
i have to focus muna on my finals, and later take the effort to talk to jax.
i really need to talk to him. but i think it will tkae time pa...
buti lng nandyan sila ging at lloyd to keep me hanging-on...
anyway, later na lng... :)