erratic attacks

what am i feeling right now?

well, i am having erratic feeling right now, with what's going on in my life... lots of erratic feelings... that would really contradict each other.

i just don't know how to fix it.

and the part that i hate is that, it's all on me... just me to fix. which is really logical since it's my life and not others.

so the question in my head that always asks me is, 'how do i fix myself, all by myself?'

well, it's starting to affect people whom i see close to me.

and somehow, in any point, trust can be shaken as well.



i guess there i was able to blog-out what i have not blogged or blurted out since i stopped blogging for more than months already.


now... just now, while i am typing this entry it kind of felt good. but i know i am not yet out of the dark place just yet. it may take time but at least i getting started to move for the better good. well i hope it's for the better good for myself and not the other way around, which is bad.

oh well, i guess that's it for now.

maybe soon i can blog-up again for updates on my so-called-life...


five by five.

need a proper tune in work

i need a happy-working song right now...

i'm still somehow thinking a lot of stuff lately. and somehow, i seem think or really decide on what to do with it.

well, one part of what i'm talking about is work.

yeah. work. my current situation here at work.

i can say it's a bitch that i'm still here doing the routine job. but i just got promoted with a good increase in my salary. so i guess i can't seem to really decide what to do.

well, now i can say i have really, REALLY good friends here at work. but somehow, even my friendship with them is being tested.

i wish our team lead would go and do the "team meeting" we all (well, most of us) planned to do... i see and predict it will be dirty, but i'm also seeing the positive result of it... and somehow, the bonds of friendship we (and i) have with the team will be stronger.

anyway, that's one concern with work. also related with work is my current status.

yeah, as i mentioned a while ago, i got promoted.

promoted. so that means a big salary.

and also a big adjustment. in terms of added work-load. well, work-load before my promotion was still really heavy...

anyway... i want to put a lot of stuff here, but i'm typing it here at my station... so i guess it's better to put everything later... to avoid "contamination" and better editing.

oh well, i guess i really need a happy-working song right now.

just to make the start of my work week something worth it to report.


anyway, it's been a while since i put something on my blogger... maybe in the next few days i'll be putting a lot more... kinda missed blogging around.


laterz.

numbers @ work

how do we get to place 96 people in a week?

and this will go for 4 straight weeks...






PREEEEEEEESSSSSUUUUURRRRREEEEE!!!

yey!!

the art/ad work i did for my company's has already been placed in multiply.com...

and it's posted on the inbox & log-out page, w/c is very noticeable by the users of multiply.com

anyways, here's what the ads looks like...

5 things

got this from Miley Cyrus' song 7 Things...

so, i'm just writing the 5 things i hate about work....





1. Management - yeah, every week our management would have different directions... and this shows that how unstable my boss in making unwanted decisions.

2. Time & Schedule - when i signed up to do field work, i know i'll be juggling my sched on priorities. but with the mismanagement of our malevolent boss, even my time for my own is limited. and i hate it when my boss would always mention that our company is lucky to have "dedicated" staff... sighs!! fuck off!!! dedication is different from enslavement!!

3. Manpower - we're just 6 in a team, and when we would formally ask for extra manpower we are always questioned. thus have a poor quality of work done. we're only human not gods, we get tired and wasted. just the planning and execution is already bloody. and just asking for a small help from the other team, our boss would question it... then when the results was not that good, she would retract everything she said and would say that we can get people to help... c'mon!!! who are you kidding?!

4. Ethics - our boss, doesn't have the proper ethics... in all aspect. bakyang-bakyang kung kumilos at palaging wala sa lugar... 'nuff said and co-workers who doesn't have the ethical consideration to be really professional to their line of work and it's having a negative effect to the team's or even to the department's performance. if you're in a ranking position, please act like one during work, cause always making "personal reasons" as an excuse shows unethical and unprofessional on your side!!

5. Workstation - with constantly not having a permanent workstation... it really makes my work-production really low. a good sample would be this one... i just hate it when someone would borrow the laptop that is assigned to me and doesn't really know anything about laptop / PC maintenance or proper care, and add to it, not returning it on time, when i really need it the most. thus, i tend to rush all things at the wrong time. sighs!!! kung hiniram isoli din on time... at ayaw ko ng may virus ito pagbalik or anything that can cause technical problems!!!!



there, my five reasons why i hate work...

why oh why!?!

ok... after 1 year of putting an entry here at my blogger... i'm back.

well, not sure if i'm going to put a lot of my stuff here, but i will put stuff here for sure.

anyways, here i am, at the office still... i was about to leave at 5:30pm a while ago, but for the things that are happening here at the office lately... i was asked to stay and sit for another meeting with the management... probably to brainstorm more for ideas on how to get the company's ball roll more since 2008 is near to end...

anyways, again... i'm kinda bored right now... like lately i'm really not motivated to report for work... i just want to rest...

REST... that's a four letter-word that i haven't experienced it lately. the last time that i had it was when i was in HK last May... that was 4 months ago.

oh well... i guess it's really one of those days that i'm pushing myself to the limit of something "dedicated" for the company... i just hope we're gonna get something good in return...

anyways... since i'm thinking about the the strss of work, i might as well think of very good reward for myself... hmm... but i think that may do some deep thinking and put it on the upcoming blogs (or LJs)...

oh well... i guess i just have to wait for the meeting to start by thinking first... or just do nothing... haaay

sighs..

sos...

...


i hate it and now... i don't know how fix it... i wanna fix this soon as possible... danm!! i'm so stupid not to make actions before... sana i had the balls to talk with my best friend before... now, i'm being paranoid again and i'm afair it will be just like 2004...the year of greatest depression... and i don't want to come back to square one again!! i just really hate being like this... being depress because of my insecurity and my other bad stuff i want out of my system...

i need help!!! and i dnt know how to ask for it!!! i know the person who can help this... but i'm quite afraid to really ask for it!! I NEED HELP!!!

damn!! i just really hate this feeling of being all alone with no one to be with or to reach for help... i feel so alone right now... i feel like im just on a corner laying down dead... can't move or can't even think clearly... more like catatonic state... i just hate being depress!!!


HELP me bro!!!

i'm a jerk... so far that's it.

i am a selfish person... i just want to be happy.

even if there are times i would extend my hand just to help someone i care... then just one moment of selfishness, thou it's not actually intended to be a selfish act (again, i just want to be happy) things go crazy... thou i saw my mistake, things, i think, are different after...

thou in my part, i was waaaay too excited and too self-centered to let my 'id' take control of me... but who cares...

...ayaw ko na rin patulan pero, it really makes me guilty sa pagagamali ko... thus making me think deeply... and i hate thinking deep... makes me depress, sad and paranoid... like i thought i felt i was palpitating... heart was beating fast... a feeling that i thought it will never happen again...

it has been a while...

lately, i would post my journal entries on my other blog... my LJ account.

but thinking it thru... i miss this blog too... so i'm deciding that i'll post most of my other emo's here and the general ones on my LJ.... for example.... i'll post the things that happened on my LJ and i'll put the mixed-emo's on this blog...

in other words, this blog will be my outlet for my rants, shouts, frustrations, accomplishments and other mixed feeling of what i want to say... but can't say it.

...just like the previous blog entry... gets?

stupid rant...

* if that person is able to read this... sorry, i'm just ranting out the feelings i had during those times... because i don't have anyone to talk with regarding this... i'm just ranting it all out on this blog...

---------
ba't ganoon? when you needed that person to be with you... di siya sisipot.
for example...

it's my b-day... and for the past bdays you want that person to be there, because that person is somewhat special in my life, but sadly that person can't come and would just make lame excuses why that person wasn't able to come to my bdays...

then when there's a common friend who has bday, that same person would make ways to come to that common friends bday... later on that same person would ask me to tag-along with that common friends bday... later to inform you that it's not good to go to common friend's bday cuz im not invited... then later on that person would ask a 'big' favor if i could fetch that person and drive that person home... one thing, that person is drunk and the other thing is that person is scared to take a cab because that person is drunk...

me on the other hand is really stupid, to let that person take advantage of my trust... how stupid can i be?!?

i feel that every time a similar situation happens to me and involves that person... i feel that i have a mark on forehead that says STUPID!...


stupid... stupid... STUPID ME!!!

i need to watch a movie... just one... b4 this year ends...

laugh it out...

im at work right now... well, it's kinda bored, due to the pool and for the fact i just ate my lunch... anyways, i got to read this comic strip above and it made me laugh... and after that i felt kinda better...

hmm... i think every one needs a good laugh now and then just to ease up and lessen the stresses we face every day.

so just click on the comic above to see the larger version... and keep on laughing guys!! c",)


laterz.... :P

hehehe... ang saya ko... :P

yesterday, saturday... i drove my parents to one of our balik-bayan relatives for a visit... i wasn't aware that after i drove them, na nabili na nila yung isa sa mga pasalubong na ni-request ko before (w/c was almost a year ago)... it was the Marvel Select Phoenix (human variant)... it made my weekend cool!!

so far... i have 2 X-Men Marvel Select action figures (Ult. Wolverine & Phoenix... see the pic below)

anyways... i got 2 out of the 5 Marvel Select... and somehow, i see that if things go well... i'll be having that PS2 by X'mas... YEY!! (now i'm planning to get the Doc Ock figure... or if not, the Spider-Woman... worst, the Marvel Gashapon!!)

add to that the things i did, like doing the x'mas list-budget and planning my money wisely for the yuletide season.

ayon... so far so good... by this week or next i'll be starting my x'mas shopping. wish me luck!!

that's all for now...

laterz... c",)

chasing cars...

quite an interesting thing i saw a while ago when i was driving to my office...

i saw a couple getting into it while riding a cab, which was in front of me.... but im seeing it as a very sweet and passionate thing... because i see how much they love each other... thought, it made me realized later on that i need someone... but not right now... (i think?)

yeah, it sounds that i'm quite desperate or ranting out that im still not in a relationship...

wala lng... nainggit lang talaga ako sa couple na nkita ko kanina...

but if the higher powers has plans for me... so be it... bahala na si batman...

(thought, i wish magkaron na ako... but no rush...)


anyways, yon lng... have to go back to work and make some calls pa... :P


laterz... c",)

i just can't help it... isa pang celeb-look-alike.. hehehe :P

'di ko mapilig ang sarili ko... sobrang na-enjoy ko itong site na ito... :P






... ang gwapo ko!!! hehehe :P

comic relief... of what i do when i'm in coffee shops.

did this a thousand times... it's kinda funny if it's read thru this comic... but in reality, it sux! :P

boo!

i just hanged out at my best friends house... just watched some of the x-men toons that i brought at quiapo a week ago... remembering the time that i sooo went crazy over that cartoon... yeah, thoes were the times... too be honest, when i was watching it a while ago, i kinda miss being a kid... the fun of being a kid...

anyways, 2mrw is back to work... w/c kinda sux... but letting the kid inside me be out every time i'm at work makes it quite fun na rin...

buti just 2 more days at weekend na uli...

belated happy halloween and let's make this undas peaceful as it is... g'nyt! c",)

celebrity look-alikes... (enjoy 'to!)

i saw this site thru my best friend... so i tried it... at nakakatuwang gawin... sobrang naaliw ako... so juts click on the pix to try it guys!! enjoy!! :P



that girl from dawson's creek... ngek!?! :P



JK Rowling?! and that guy from that korean novela... this is getting into "something"... i wanna laugh. ha.ha.ha... :P



the Dalai Lama... wow!! i guess it has to do with the glasses... makes me look like more clark kent-y.
...james spader...i think it's the glasses talaga! hehehe :P



eto... last na... na-enjoy ko 'to... hehehe :p
ei!! Angel's there!! 'stig! c",)

at home... sick again and this time i have no voice...

right now, i'm sick again... and this time i have no voice. well i know i can go to work kanina, pero pag wala akong boses, i can't make calls... so it's better for me to just rest here at home until i get well enough to go back to work, hopefully 2mrw... worst, on monday.

anyways, i'll be going to the doctor for my check-up in a while... i hope it's not that bad... and i'm still planning to not to go to work 2mrw... para maging long weekend rest for me... the good thing naman ay may mga bagong dvds naman ako to watch eh... :P

anyways, have to prep up na for the check up... sasakay lang naman ako eh...

wish me the best!!

laterz...