May 28, 2004 / 1:12pm

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! 22 NA AKO!!

im doing good... but hopefully ill do great... im a-ok nman.

some people, since last night, greeted me... i dnt care kung konti lng... im suuficiently happy na rin. :P

anyways, yon lng... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN!!! c",)

May 27, 2004 / 10:09pm

well, it's actually an hour and 51 minutes before the 28th of May arrives and it's gonna be my bday... yippee.

im hoping for the best, and also expecting the worst... well, on worst thing iv thought before happened na, kaya i think there's no way it can be fixed... how sarcastic am i? anyways, im gonna be ok, kahit konti lng ang mag-greet sa 'kin... and where it be a bad or good day later, ill still have that smile that keeps me goin'... and there's always (ALWAYS) a bright side... and im moving on... taking a good solid step per day... im moving... moving... move on... :D

bente-dos na ako... and still looking great you tiger!! grrr... :P

well, things definitely went awry and kaboomy when i was 21... i hope things would be better than 21 and things would sail smoothly... and also,im never giving up, kahit it's over-OVER things... kasi, i know, and i have faith, na it will be fixed up, or atleast, it would end up good (not like this...) to sum up, im hoping that 22 would be a good age and a good start for me... c",)

hay naku... bday ko na later!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY gempot :P

laterz...

May 25, 2004 / 12:53pm

hmm... im good... moving on an having a good start... but i also starting to forget the past and the mistakes iv done... even him. but im good... and it's a lesson iv learned so hard, yet somehow taking it one day at a time... i feel good.

*hitit ng hangin*

*bugtong hininga*

feeling better... and i cnt seem to notice it, but im smiling... kinda a little bit weird, but hey! im feeling good... mainit nga lng, but im not complaining... i wish this weather will be like this until sunday... para enjoy yung blowout ko sa saturday & also my birthday, which is around 3 more days... whoopee!!

anyways, alam ko rin na nabawasan na ng isang taong di pupunta (you know who...) but atlst, my friends who were there to help me move on are coming... im so happy!! :D

o sya... pahinga na muna ako...

laterz...

May 24, 2004 / 1:43am

jus read the email from jax... tama sya. i really haven't moved on... i didnt realized that it may take a lot of sacrifices to move on... and in this case, loosing a friend... and ending up being civil strangers... it's still true, my best friend died... but i must move one, it's my life that im living, not his.

for that, i'll miss my best friend, Jacky Varias Chang (1999-2004)... age 20, and we were friends since 1999... and it was a good friendship we had. no doubt about it... it was good... i won't forget it at all...

let's have a moment of silence...



forever in my memories, and forever will be good, jax is one of my very closest friends i ever had... and for that i won't forget the good and even the bad times we both shared and experienced...

godspeed jax, enjoy lifes goodness and overcome trials...

amen.

May 23, 2004 / 1:27pm

the battle that iv been fighting for is done... and i lost... patay na pala best friend ko... and the person whom is thought is still jax is not the jax that i knew. this "new" jax is not the best friend i had... the jax i know is now DEAD...

nag-away kami sa txt... and whoa!! it's a big one... i hate to say it but, i lost him... and i have to face it. he considered me a stranger now... but the good thing is that we are not enemies... just perfect strangers... and i hate it!!

kahit iv sed it a wyl ago na im giving up, i wont give up... ill just fight it in a silent way...

but still... the "new" jax is an asshole-jackass!!

im soooo angry and at the same time sad... my shaking right now... hay buhay!!

in a sarcastic way... what a good way to jump start my bday week... SIGHSS!!

i dnt know him anymore...

...

May 23, 2004 / 7:46am

im still at home... headaches kinda gone (i hope)... fourth day of my not-smoking-day... but im still bored...

i woke up at around 2am kanina, i txtd jax... and whoa!! i cnt bliv i did that... i just txtd him, asking him if we're cool... and something else, like i knw the situation and i understand him... and our friendship is still under renovation and all... that it myt take a while to fix things... sighs! how senti and emotional could i get... i jus hope jax would come on saturday... i really reallly do... kahit sandali lng... i pray he would come.

anyways, i miss him, talking to him well, it was ok... ayaw nya lang samahan akong manuod ng cine this week... i understand that... anyways, its morning... and im bored... plus wala akong pera!! and i want that spider-man cartoon dvd... WAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

later...

May 22, 2004 / 5:23pm

im having a fucking headache right now... add to that the things that are bugging my head... if this were a buffy episode, the first is attacking me right now... SIGHS!!

nakaka-asar ang tatay ko!! tangina!! lalong akong napi-pissed off sa kanya eh!! tangina!! AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! PPPPPRRRRREEEEEESSSSSUUUUURRRRREEEEEE!!!

i hate this day... it's so boring!! and my headache... not a good combination... hay buhay!!

i should shave and be vainy before my bday...

and i hope eveything with me and jax will be make-up and peace and everything cool again... i hope for that day to come...

hay naku, my dad is calling me again... ASAR!!

later. :-/

May 22, 2004 / 12:30pm

im bored... and quite down... i dnt know why, but i think i know why... labo ko... mixed emotion ako ngayon, pati libog nandito... sighs!! what a life i have right now... sux...

anyways, im trying to be not bored by having an x-men marathon... or dvd marathon... para di mabato... for the weekend...

i txtd jax kanina, just asking him if he want to go out with me this week, either a movie or badminton... i hope he replies, kahit umayaw siya... i know its hard for me... sa totoo, takot na ako talaga sa kanya... im just trying to fight for our friendship, whatever is left to fix... hay buhay...

anyways, i have to log out na rin...

later...

May 22, 2004 / 9:41am

what's another day... than a boring saturday? hmm... i miss smoking, it's been 3 days na... good progress, i think... anyways, i have to do some errands for my parents, which sometimes i hate it, kasi i blocks some of my plans, specially some school requirements... hirap kasi maging driver eh... SIGHS!!

i have to go... errands... SIGHS!!

later. :-/

May 21, 2004 / 9:35pm

hay naku!! what a day!! im done w/ both reports, group & special... kaso i felt kinda guilty sa special paper ko, cut & paste lng kasi ito eh... but i just did it just submit it... sayang rin yung extra points eh...

hay buhay...im pre-writing my journals na from now on... kasi nagkakaroon ng system shut down ang PC lately... may pumapasok atang virus dito eh... better safe & precausious, than sorry...

i miss my best friend sooooo much!! ill never give up fighting for our friendship, kahit i feel sad and this randomly down lately... i wnt give up!! i love my best friend, jax, he's like a brother to me...

hay naku, summer class is done and i have my bday to come... oh wait!! it's exactly one week before my bday... SIGHS!! :P

while im typing this journal, nagsca-scan muna ako ng PC... para i cud just copy & paste this later sa blog ko...

anyways, i truly miss my best friend, i wish we could talk things out and make-up for all.

the thing that i just hate right now, summer season to be exact, is i wasnt able to swin this season again.... SIGHS!! i wanna swin... kasi iv done and still doing badminton to atleast loose some pounds... and i think swimming will do the same to me... loose pounds... hay naku...

why am i so green (L) lately... i should check this monster inside me nga... baka its making some plans to ruin my life again... hmm... baka its just hormones or my id wanting to satisfy itself... hmm... may i kinda need a good satisfaction too... ill jus try to satisfy myself later... pero sana next time, it would be more... hehehehe :P

"this love has taken its toll... she said goodbye, to many times before..." -This Love by Maroon 5

WALA LNG!! gosh! i cnt bliv ill be singing too sa journal ko.... hehehe :P

sige na nga...

laterz c",)

May 21, 2004 / 7:04am

im done with our groups paper... kaso the special project, hindi pa...

PPPPPREEEEEESSSSUUURRREEE!!! AAARrRRRRGGHHHH!!!

anyways, i feel so mixed up right now, kanina (pati last night) libog na libog ako... now im sad... and i dnt know what feelings ill have later... hay naku!! weird things are happening talaga to me... and i somewhat hate it! i miss my best friend (jax), which i doubt it that he will come to my bday handaan (mang-iindyan yon eh... ganyan naman sya palagi) i feel very concern to both nina & lloyd right now... and im still sad, down... but atleast i got to laugh na...

and plus, i have to fight this addiction over smoking... i hate to quit... kahit im having a really hard time on quiting... hay naku... gem gem gem, 'kaw kasi eh... tsk tsk tsk...

anyway, i have to try and finish my special project, basta may ma-submit ako will do...

later!! c",)

May 19, 2004 / 7:08am

i wasn't able to review last night... but atleast i got to browse some... pero sobrang konti.... :-(

anyways, im so happy i got season 6 of friends on dvd... YIPEE!! :P

but i have to cram my exam ryt now before mag-1pm... YIKES!!

hay naku... i hate cramming, but being a xaverian, i am able to cram good enough... and i hate it!!

and i have to do some errands pa... HAY BUHAY!!

have to go na... drive my mom and study and all... SIGHS!!

later... :-/

May 18, 2004 / 11:10am

11:10am... it doesn't look like 11:10am... it's more like 8 or 9am on a rainy day... rainy day, i said... hmmm... i really hope that it will not rain on my bday blow out... i pray that it will not rain on that day!!

anyways, im installing norton anti-virus right now... para maayos na tong pc namin... and doing that, im listening to maroon5 and reading my notes for my last exam 2mrw... wish me luck!! c",)

mga 20 to 30 mins. pa ata matatapos yung updating ng norton... hay... later on, around 2pm ill go to megamall to pick up my sister's padala... baka iikot na rin ako dun or tambay sa powerbooks... bahala na...

hay naku!! 10 days nlng at bente-dos na ako... im getting older... and hopefully wiser (hehehe)...

sige na nga... review nlng uli ako... wish me luck!!

at may tatapusin pa akong papers for my special project... hay buhay!! :-/

laterz... c",)

May 17, 2004 / 7:35pm

what a bitchin' day today!!

my prof, ma'am pj, was quite bitching kanina... kasi it's a female thing... kaya ok lng sa amin... pero nakakatakot pala pag-bitch mode sya... yikes!!

anyways, mdyo asar ako sa kapatid ko kasi nag-short uli yung phone line ng modem... that bitch!! grrr....

hay naku... it raining today... and its quite cold outside.... brrrr... anyways, may bagyo daw eh...

i just hope that it won't rain on my birthday blow next weekend (may 29)... i hope it wont.

laterz...

May 16, 2004 / 7:39pm

hay... what a very hot and boring day... technically all i did was sleep... sighs!! my day sucks... but my life ain't bad at all... anyways, i have a new way to deal with my boredome... bug lyndon... yes, lyndon gregorio of beerkada... i kept on bugging him on why i was banned out from the beerkadets... wala lng. :P

hay naku... atleast i got to talk to teacher ging... 3-way kami with sensei lloyd... miss them, and i miss her so much... even if my strong feelings for her, back then, was still here now... i have much more respect for her... true i still love her, but i love her as a best friend. i think that's enough... kasi sa totoo we can talk anything eh... i could say to her na i got a crush on her and she will just talk to me and later we will just smile and be happy again... hay... pero the funny thing, until now... the song ng stephen speak, "out of my league"... it's my song about her, until now... and i hope it won't change.

God, i do really LOVE MY FRIENDS!! (jax, lloyd, giselle, nina, aby, wendi, rheena, fin, feric, kate, and the rest) ill give my life for them talaga (specially the first 4 people)...i do relly love them!! Grant them safety and happiness...

anyways, i enjoyed everyday...hehehe :P

sige, ill bug lyndon pa... hehehe (joke!)

laterz... c",)

May 16, 2004 / 12:12pm

for some untold reason, leeroy lagdameo aka lyndon gregorio... banned me from the beerkadets egrps.... THAT ASSHOLE!!

later.

May 16, 2004 / 11:29am

some investor from some bank are going here for lunch today... i think they are gonna make an investment for my dad's fishpond... sana matuloy, and hopefully that they could also help for solving our financial crisis and the foreclosure of our house & lots... i hope it can...

wish us luck!!

and pray for the best!! :D

later... c",)

May 16, 2004 / 10:11am

putang-ina 'tong kapatid ko... ayaw umails dito...

hay salamat, umalis na rin.

anyways, i was quite sad kahapon... actually kagabi. kasi it bugged me again, the thing that jax-isn't-my-friend-at-all kind of thing... i was gonna talk to ging, kaso i got too tired and slept... kanina naman i got to rant it to nina... ok nman... i should not give up this battle, kasi it's not really a loosing battle at all... kaya i should continue fight for our friendship, no matter what happens... i love my best friend!! :D

im feeling quite better... :P

wala na kasing sagabal dito... hehehe

alam mo, kanina, i so horny pala... hmm... got the best vitamin-j kanina... :P (hehehe... hormones kinda need a good rub now and then)

hehehe... :P

later! c",)

May 15, 2004 / 8:17am

still at little bit pissed of... but, hey!! im cool na... :p

anyways, i this thing from researching for my special bonus paper... i just wanna post it, just in case to remind me that life is full of laughs too. :P

--start--

Humor doesn’t typically come to mind in the same breath as depression. But humor can be an important ally in getting beyond the rigidity of thinking that accompanies depression and keeps people locked into a depressed state of mind.

One goal of cognitive therapy is to change your perspective, your point of view. Humor is one way to change your view viscerally—and enjoyably.

Cultivating a humorous mindset helps you see yourself and any situation with a more supple mind so that you are not locked into a negative view. Depression is both caused by and causes the inability to see options and choices we otherwise would.

Take a common situation: someone feels very depressed in the wake of having failed at something. They cancel plans and withdraw from social opportunities. They don’t feel “up to it.” Under the surface, perhaps out of view of the conscious mind, the person might feel that the failure disqualifies him from the human race. However, turning around and asking out loud, "Does that disqualify me from the human race?" is humorous. It highlights the absurdity of the extreme conclusion.

We’re not talking stand-up comedy, but insight-oriented commentary, achieved via anecdote and metaphor. You might feel down from a cutting remark your spouse made. But you could ask yourself: Does that “cutting” remark draw blood? Noting the metaphor puts it in its place—an obnoxious comment, but not a searing one.

Humor fosters acceptance of our humanness and our foibles. It is not sarcasm or put-downs. What we are looking for is gentle, playful perspective that embraces humanness but never at the expense of others—or of ourselves. The goal is not to take life too seriously.

So how to foster good humor?

• Choose to allow yourself to laugh at your own behaviors and beliefs—but not at yourself. Make that distinction clearly.

See your life not as a distraught drama but as a romantic comedy. Recognize the inherent farce-like quality in situations including sex and relationships.

Cultivating humor not only makes life more bearable, it makes you more attractive to others. Study upon study shows that a sense of humor is high up on the list of traits that most people seek in a partner.

• Insert silliness. Fill your life with one goofy thing a day. Make an unusual observation about someone. Or do something you normally wouldn’t do. Wear something silly. You will learn that nothing terrible happens—and you may also discover that something good often happens.

• Puncture a rigid mindset with a mental exercise called “paradoxical intention.”

Suppose you have to give a speech and you are unduly anxious about looking uncomfortable. You can overcome the fear of failure by deliberately focusing on it and humorously exaggerating the very effects you fear.

Say you are worried about having to speak publicly and sweating profusely. Deliberately imagine a humorous situation where you are—literally—sweating like a fountain and spewing enough to drown the first row of the audience. Accept that you sweat like a fountain; imagine it and then think, what is the worst that could happen?

• Exaggeration is funny because it skewers the falsehood. If you fail at a test or perform poorly at an audition, you could erroneously call yourself a failure. That, however, is an overgeneralization. Alternatively, you could see yourself as someone who failed at this particular thing, but in no way does that stamp you forever in this way.

Find the humor by saying, this makes me an utter wretch, a failure now and forever, a doomed and worthless subhuman, because I didn’t get the part that I wanted or my partner isn’t giving me the attention I want. Get into the exaggeration until you see the absurdity of seeing yourself as a “total failure.”

• Walk down the street remembering that people are nude under their clothes. It reduces fear of others. Such thoughts can take people of high status from deity to human. It helps to remember that everyone yells at their kids, spills ketchup, goes to the bathroom.

• Play to an audience. Think of stories and items that would make others laugh.

• Be sensitive to the words you use. They can rigidify or help loosen up your thinking.

• Create cute, funny neologisms with your partner. Call it goofifying. Creating your own funny expressions for your experiences makes you more flexible and allows you to interpret and assess reality better.

• Smile. Here’s a favorite silly joke I cant resist passing along: What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do? Stays up all night and wonders if there is a dog.

--end--

anyways, yon lng... smile ka lang dyan & everything!! :p

later!! c",)

May 15, 2004 / 5:29am

DAMMIT!!! nakaka-asar!! walang tubig kami... and i thought that i was having a very good crap kanina... tangina talaga oh!!! and nasira tuloy yung libog ko kanina... i planted to do something pa nman kanina...SIGHS!!! :-/

anyways, bwiset talaga 'to!! i didnt wash my butt completely...because of the shortage of water... hay naku!! ASAR!!

ayan tuloy, i woke very early for a weekend... im sure masarap sana ang tulog ko pa.... GRRRR....

later :-/