August 31, 2005 / 9:08pm

some burdens have been lifted. and the rest gain weight... oh well... it sucks... but cnt complain about it... just have to fight it off right...

i guess ganoon naman talaga eh... kahit before. i think it's been my strategy since i started doing it... surviving.

hay buhay nga naman o... weird but funny.

neways, i still have to fix my interviews and look for a transcriber for my interviews...

wish me the best nlng muna...

laterz...

August 30, 2005 / 9:59pm

trust... hmmm... i think it's the theme for today...

yeah, in a way, even i dnt trust myself that often... and it's not about the insecurites that i have... it's more of a fail-safe mechanism that i dnt trust myself on certain things... i hate to have a rerun of what happened before...

anyways, ok lng nman sa akin yon... kasi somehow alam ni ma'am myra na i have the tendency to have a 'power-trip' attitude... cnt blame it... it's part of my 'shield', that is on stand-by all the time... hehehe

anyways... ok lng naman ako... i guess, kasi ok na yung mga news about the assessments... mdyo nag-lighten yung burdens ko on that department... im cool... im not sure about the others (hehehe... bahala sila... evil ko 'no?)... hehehe :P

oh well, fuck it all... life's a bitch, deal with it. 'cuz i did... :P

o cya... maya nlng uli...

laterz c",)

August 29, 2005 / 9:36pm

well... a slight burden had been raised... my cousin made sure that he'll buy me a PS2 once i graduate by march next year... so i guess, ok lng na di ko na-reach yung quota ko for october... konting pasensya lng... a few months won't hurt naman eh...

nyways... im quite good na rin... taking it lightly but seriously yung things sa thesis ko... 2mrw ill be dropping by to give the letters & interview skeds for Dr. Dayan & Fr. Mangulabnan... wish me luck 2mrw.

anyways, gotta sleep na rin... have to be quite preppy and early 2mrw eh... :p

laterz... c",)

August 29, 2005 / 7:07am

good morning...yeah so far it's still a 'good' morning... hehehe

oh well... walang pasok ngayon... kasi in celebration of national heroes day yesterday... ang labo nga ng president natin eh... erratic mag-decide... nung frday sinabi ay may pasok, then yesterday sinabi wala... panu ba uunlad yung bayan kung erratic mag-decide yung pangulo natin?!?

paksyet sya!!!

anyways, iv sent to myra the revised (and hopefully final draft) of my interview sked for my interviews with Dr. Dayan, Dr. Bautista & Fr. Mangulabnan... im still fixing my sked on when i'll interview them... and also im gonna do my FDG interview sked na rin in a while... plus get some cases regarding on child custody for my content analysis... mdyo yon lng na muna yung focus ko on my thesis... i got a voice recorder na rin, kaya no biggie na rin sa interview at FGD... pero marami pa akong gagawin, like the assessment for both adults na... good thing nagkaroon ng other option for the choosing of clients...

anyways, it's still gonna be something crazy in next days... pero kakayanin ko tong mga pressures & stresses... im expecting that these works that i'm doing will be worth it... magiging obra ko ito!!!

oh well... good morning na lng uli...

laterz... c",)

August 27, 2005 / 9:56pm

well, mdyo masakit pa rin some parts of my body due to the badminton yesterday afternoon...

and yeah, mdyo pissed off pa rin ako with ate kay... leaving us without formally saying good-bye... syet!!

yeah... shit happens... even from the people you believe that shit won't come from (sa tagalog: na di mo maasahan mula sa kanya) anyways... ayon..

plus the thesis and the psych assessment...

oh yeah, on the psych assessment... ang labo mo talaga si lloyd... paksyet!!

oh well... pressured at stressed uli ako from a lot of things... hay buhay.

the only good thing ata lng na nangyari ngyon nung nakita ko at pinasabay ko si seth... tapos getting the aeon flux dvd... yeah may digital voice recorder/mp3 player na rin ako... kaso... mdyo im sure na di ko na makakamit ang quota for getting a ps2 this october... hay buhay nga nman talaga...

oh well... shit happens.

neways... may gagawin lng ako... school stuff...

laterz... c",)

August 25, 2005 / 6:24pm

ngarag na ako.

im going crazy by a minute... and it is due to a lot of things... and guess what, i think di lang ako ang nawiwindang... there are some people i know who are experiencing things that are hard to carry on.

anyways... im so getting crazy on a lot of things too... one thing is with my friends (yeah, trust is quite shaky lately)... the next are the things i will do for my thesis... and the assessment im doings (i still need a teen client for my assessment)... plus other factors.

oh my gulay... the stresses are really something lately... ang hirap.

but i know it's somehow gonna be worth it in the end... i just dnt know how good (or bad) it will be by october...

neways...rest na muna ako... i'll just fix my interview sked and watch ALIAS maya...

laterz.

August 22, 2005 / 10:53pm

well... somehow the rant went a little bit sub-sized na... and now this is something good nman... a conversation with someone whom i had a crushed a few months back... na ngayon wala na (for sure)... wala lng im just posting this kasi trip ko lng and made me my day end with smile...

so eto na sya...

g_bataclan528 (10:46:03 PM): ei!
roseslilsis (10:46:14 PM): hi
g_bataclan528 (10:46:29 PM): nu gnagawa mo?
roseslilsis (10:46:56 PM): nagaayos ng avatar..
roseslilsis (10:47:04 PM): basahin mu blog ko para masaya haha
g_bataclan528 (10:47:52 PM): nah... nxt time nlng... not in a mood to be happy... mdyo drained na ako from ranting out my problems eh
g_bataclan528 (10:48:06 PM): tnx anyways... ill read it nxt time,promise
roseslilsis (10:48:20 PM): no i mean.. masaya for me gets?? haha medyo selfish ako today haha
g_bataclan528 (10:48:45 PM): ah... ok.
g_bataclan528 (10:49:05 PM): so it's an ISA day pala... congrats.
roseslilsis (10:49:07 PM):
roseslilsis (10:49:10 PM): yeah..
roseslilsis (10:49:16 PM): pero badtrip din ako.. dont worry
g_bataclan528 (10:49:47 PM): oh well... there are those days... hehehe
roseslilsis (10:50:03 PM):
roseslilsis (10:50:07 PM): yeah.. but its life..
roseslilsis (10:50:12 PM): so.. let it roll..
g_bataclan528 (10:50:41 PM): anyways, be merry and happy on ur day and whatever makes u happy... im hoping it will last for a life time.
g_bataclan528 (10:50:44 PM): tnx tnx...
g_bataclan528 (10:50:51 PM): nways, gotta bounce na rin...
g_bataclan528 (10:50:59 PM): kita-kits nlng... nyt
g_bataclan528 (10:51:09 PM):
roseslilsis (10:51:15 PM): kk..


....

ayon... wala lng... 'stig nga eh... now i can say she's really is a nice person to be friends with... but not right now na muna... im still in a unbalanced situation with all the things that bugs me... after nlng na defrag & debug ko lalapitan siya to really start a hope-to-be a good friendship...

oh well... nyt nlng.

August 22, 2005 / 10:37pm

i am so screwed up right now... i dnt know what to do on my sked for my psych assessments and the fucking thesis!!!!

yeah, im fucking ranting right now!!!

especially when i was asking for help in that department... tang-ina!!! and damn they're not funny (even if they are trying to be funny)... fuck fuck fuck!!!

so far, im making a big mess for my adult assessment (yeah... i big mess that i'll regret in the lon term)... and now wala pa akong kid naman for the assessment and the sked is very tight na.... and add pa yung fucking thesis ko!!! syet man!!!

right now, i wanna defy everything around me... BRING IT ON!!!

i can take them all!!!!

tang-ina nila!!!

tang-ina!!!!

syet im just really paranoid and scared on what to do... cuz i dnt know what to do next... im running out of resources and im having a hard time with a lot of things... FUCK!!!

tang-ina... ang hirap talaga...

...yet it is also a learning thing... kasi when i need some help from people whom i thought can help me... iikutin pa nila ako... why they cnt just say 'no'... mage-gets ko pa yon kaysa na ikutin pa nila ako... tang-ina nila!!! FUCK!!!

yeah... alright... bring it on!!! i can take them... PUTANG INA NILA!!! fuck!!

oh well...

i guess this is a good rant out for the day... and some thing to keep me alive and kickin'...

sighs!

oh well... laterz.

August 19, 2005 / 8:08pm

well, im okay naman... so far.

di na nga muna akong sumama kina kate sa place ni miko with the ka-psychs for some inuman... kasi mdyo tinatamad ako at mdyo nagra-rumble yung stomach ko...

anyways... bawi nlng ako nxt time...

oo nga pala... i'll gonna be a chairperson on judging the philippine lottory this sunday night... its a gimik... and i get to be paid... P1,500 rin yon... hehehe... just to add the savings for my PS2 and an additional budget for my thesis, especially sa FGD ko... and also the allowance i'll give to my RA for the transciptions... and some other stuff pa...

oh, well... gastos na naman... grabe!!!

sighs!!

anyways, pahinga na muna ako...

laterz.

August 17, 2005 / 6:48pm

i should let this just pass thru... but NOOOO!!! i won't let this out... one thing is for sure (again!) you can't trust anybody. I may sound paranoid but I hate to trust people who would stab my back.

now it's a trilogy... i was expecting these kinds of things... no doubt about it... but i just hope the people who are into question aren't the ones im trusting. kasi if they are, it's so stupid of me to let them be part of my life.

i just hate it...

no. im not gay. but why would people think like that about me... i guess people are really dumb... and i think ganoon na talaga... i dnt care nman talaga kung ganoon yung iniisip nila... kaso kung yung mga nag-iisip ng ganoon ay mga taong pinagtitiwalaan mo... ibang usapan na yon...

yes, im sounding paranoid right now... and i dnt care...

sighs!!!

i guess i have to make some steps backward towards them na... i guess tama na rin yung iniisip ko na iwanan ko na sila... tulad sa pag-iwan nila sa akin...

PUTANG INA nila!!!

i guess... the terms na walang laglagan o walang iwanan meant differently from the lexical meaning of it...

i just hate 2day... and im guessing the rest of the days will follow.

bahala na... im a loner before, i can be alone again... good thing malapit na rin yung graduation... i can easily forget EVERYTHING...

sarcastically... it's gonna be a good transition na rin...

oh well... fuck them all!!

August 15, 2005 / 6:37pm

well, im quite done for my thesis defense... and it was not that bloody as i was expecting from it... the only bloody part was the interview schedules and the addition of another method, the dreaded FGD... yeah. so basically its a triangulation method for my thesis research... an archival study, an interview and a FGD... oh my gosh!!

pero kakayanin ko 'to... ako pa!!

yeah... so far im back on my feet after the fiasco that happened to me days ago... so far getting back on the 'one-feet-at-a-time' gig... but still, im doing good na rin...

right now, rest na muna ako... then if ever gusto ko, i'll start to do some homeworks that are due on thursday... maybe...

and the things for my thesis... mamaya o 2mrw na muna... hay naku... it was a good start of my week na rin...

o cya... maya nlng uli...

laterz... c",)

August 11. 2005 / 7:25pm

oh well... it was a pissed day... well it started being pissed off at my mother... damn bitch!!

then being locked-out for my thesis class... thus made it impossible for me to do my proposal defense... kaasar talaga!! BWISET!!!

but the thing that made this day quite good na rin was during my psych 162 class... when i volunteered myself for the PTAT sample... which quite good na rin... kasi i got to know my status right now about my life, present life... which somehow is quite still uncertain... and the weird part is that i have to make an analysis about myself too... hmm... i guess being honest is the right time right now...

then to somehow end my day... i took again my boxing work-out... and it helped put down my stress and pissed-off... kasi the endorphins that kicked-in during the work-out made me happy and relax... which is cool.

anyways, 2mrw naman ay su-swimming naman kami... yahoo!!! enjoy time na muna 'to.

o cya... rest na muna ako... then watch ALIAS... then tulog na ako... kasi i have to report na for my Student Assistance work 2mrw morning... and i'll give a whoop-ass to that baba!!! (hehehe!!)

laterz... c",)

August 10, 2005 / 7:01pm

i am somehow experiencing an anxiety attack... and i guess it's for a lot of reason that's why im having it... and now im having this feeling of being scared of something, and also being quite fragile/weak... and i dnt know why...

parang nanenerbyos ako ngayon... and im scared.

but while im in this mode... i must force myself to finish my conceptual framework and the wais-3 reaction paper...

you know... im really pissed off sa secreatry ni dr.abueva... sobra!!! that long-chin bitch will get hers... im sure of that!!! maka-karma yung babang yon.

anyways... i have to finish the papers na... then cry it all out nlng before i sleep.

laterz.

August 9, 2005 / 10:59pm

well... im home na rin... so far yung WAIS-III nlng nman yung kailangan kong gawin na muna... yung sa thesis ko (re: conceptual framework) later nlng... once they give me their critics/comments & suggestions on how to further furnish my thesis... yon lng nman.

hay naku... im so gonna be busy na rin pala after the proposal defense... kasi dun ko na gagawin yung field work ko... interviews...interviews and more interviews... hay naku... kakayanin ko to!! anyways, i guess i have to make some tight scheduling of myself na rin... less gimiks, more thesis-related work... hay buhay...

and i guess, it started kanina... when i didn't notice that israel was there... di ko man siya na-'hi!'... am i bad ba? feeling na-guilty naman ako... ill try to call him nlng in a while...

neways... have to rest na rin... maaga rin ako eh...

nyt-nyt!!

laterz... c",)

August 8, 2005 / 9:17pm

ok...

im done with my thesis' proposal defense... i have printed a copy and i'll just photocopy one 2mrw... yes im done in that department for now... yehey!!

im also done in one of the papers for psych 162, the reaction paper for my PPP test-scale results... which kinda shows what kind a person i am and how i am different from other individuals... hehehe... whohoo!!!

so far, i'll just read for my ethics class right now... and just finish the paper naman for WAIS-III sa wednesday night... and all is set na...

hay naku... i guess im quite out from my burnout... kasi these things i've done kanina won't materialized right now kung may burnout pa rin ako... i guessed i have cool down na... whopee!!!

hehehe... im cool... :P

o cya...basa na muna ako tong about "the good will".

laterz!! c",)

August 8, 2005 / 6:41pm

just got home.

and now, im just blog something... then do some furnishing for my thesis... then do some papers for my psych class...

hay naku... 2mrw, ill be driving my erpats and lola naty to a wedding, which means i'll be cutting out my philo 1 class... kasi after my ethics class by 230pm, balik ako to prep up and drive them... hay buhay... kaya i planned to do some papers 2day, to avoid delays on wednesday...

tska, proposal defense na rin sa thursday for the thesis... dios mio!! :P

hehehe...

anyways... i think i can manage it... thus surviving it... hehehe!! :P

o cya... gotta eat na muna then start work-work na...

laterz. c",)

August 7, 2005 / 7:59am

well, now i get it...

the thing that i've been experiencing lately... a BURNOUT.

whoa!!! i guess this time i have to stand alert and fix something, before i get a icky-factor... which is being really "walang-pakialam-sa-buhay"... have to start on something productive... like fixing the title of my thesis (again)...

hay naku... i really have to start working on this one na nga... hay naku.

anyways... good morning!! :P

o cya... laterz nlng... c",)

August 6, 2005 / 11:10am

well... i made it through... im still quite in the moment of anger... yeah, still angry at them... but it's slowly going down na rin nman... di ko na muna pinansin sila... its the 'i-sed-hi-but-they-sed-hi-first' thing... anyways, im ok na rin... got to score most of the WAIS-III record form...

anyways... im good na rin... mdyo ganito na muna ako for a while... let it cool down naturally...

o cya... maya nlng uli...

btw, here's the blog that i suppose to post last night...

--o0o---

August 5, 2005 / 9:33pm

it ended when they left me... that made the bonds broken and die immediately. and somehow now i understand and i have learned from my mistake.

to never hide what i am feeling... even to 'save' up bonds of friendship... if i am angry, i have to pour out my anger. never pile it up or to cover up with something... it will just make things worst...

now i am really angry... and this time i must let it all out... even if it hurts some people. kasi ako rin yung masasaktan at the end... it is better this way. even if they understand or not...

right now, im cool... but i have to let it all out... and hit it to the right people and the right situations.

tama nga... i should take the moments and cheerish it... before the sad reality of the world consumes you. it may take a toll but im gussing it will be worth it... i guess...

anyways... i started my boxing work-out last thursday (yesterday) afternoon... and it was sooo good!!! i had a blast letting all stress out... and getting a work-out i am wishing before...

oo nga pla... i should be in angry mode ngayon... hehehe

basta... i'll try to be myself in an angry mode 2mrw... di ako manggagago or mangtri-trip ng tao... i'll just ignore them... i know it was months ago that happened, but i wasn't natural on what i felt then, i was just masking it all... now i feel the anger towards them... i am just really pissed off at them... and disappointed... and they call us a family... my gulay!!

sighs!!! these are the types of creatures who should be slayed down... putsa talaga oh...

yeah... i won't be plastic... just ignore them. i have better things to do than looking over a bunch of low-lives... (ouch! sorry im just really pissed at them)

anyways... i'll just post this blog once i got a prepaid online card...

---o0o---

August 2, 2005 / 12:20am

yes... im still awake.

kakatapos ko lang sa take-home exam for my philo 171 that i will submit it later at 1pm.

nways, kausap ko si jax kanina sa phone... wala lng... talked about a lot of things... w/c i kinda missed it... just like the old times back then... pero sobrang kulit ko at i was forcing myself na may mapag-usapan kami para lang di ma-cut yung line... but now things have changed, but the friendship is still there (parang tumibay pa ata eh)...

now i see my mistakes... and so far, i think papabayaan ko na muna... yeah, i'll juts let it be... di muna ako magda-damage control or something sort of like that... bahala na nga si batman, ika nga...

pero right now, im just gonna have some breather na muna... something like my sabbatical, only longer and minus the being away... i think i can do that... i guess i have to be distant muna from my friends at school... kasi baka mapa-ano pa sila sa kabaliwan ko... hehehe

ano ba ito...? mixed na yung sinasabi ko... my gulay?!

i think i'll just stick to the breather na muna nga... relax... focus on the important things... then when i get enough strenght... i kick ass na!

hehehe

o cya... tutulog na rin ako...

laterz... :P

August 1, 2005 / 8:30pm

what a good way to start the month of August... and im saying this in a very sarcastic tone. i got no sense of reality today... also known as, NGARAG ako the whole day. yeah, i got to finish, or atleast did something for my methodolgy part of my thesis... and i also got to finish my transcription for my RA work-gig... and the worst thing went on, i went flaw-down for my practical administration of the WAIS-III test... and i hate it so much... nag-nerbyos ako big-time... my friends wasn't aware, but during that time, my heart was beating dead-fast and my hands were shaking as hell... and there-there... i blundered out and went unrealistic and became unprepared... sighs...

hay naku... now, im suppose to do my take-home exam for my pihlo 171 class... and im still tired... syet!

can someone give me the enough strenght to atleast finish this exam tonight... di ko na nga muna gagawin yung swimming workout ko 2mrw nga eh, baka sa wednesday nlng... hay buhay.

sighs... im feeling such a screwball lately... first with isa... then some of my FA friends... then now with my ka-psych family too... what a screw-ball am i?!?!?

now i do feel like a failure...

*it is just me... and later on, ill move on anyways...

o cya...


laterz...