Friday, April 30, 2004

April 30, 2004 / 11:38pm

napadala ko na yung email kay jax... i've sent my piece.

and now im hoping for the best...

and 2mrw morning ill be drving my parents to meet with their lawyer and hopefully fix or find a way to fix things... and, also, im hoping for the best too.

hope for the best for me and my family...

anyway, gotta sleep... and im thinking... maybe ill be able to sleep good enough now... im also hoping for that...

later... c",)
April 30, 2004 / 8:30pm

i just typed a letter that im planning to email it to jax later... yet im quite afraid to send it... even with nina's approval... anyway, im planning to send it asap...

so here's the letter iv typed...


-start-

ei jax,

musta ka na? hope that you're doin well. ewan ko kung bakit, but i think you should know... and so far, you are the one i could tell this problem im experiencing lately. the thing is, na-foreclose ng bank ang lote na kinatatayuan ng bahay namin. so that means, we might be force to move out. and i know it's my parent's problem to handle this but the thing is im experiencing their burdens as well, emotionally... lately im near your house eh, sa may imperial, doon kasi yung lower court house and the register of deeds... kaya there were times i can drop you cds... kaso pinagdra-drive ko parents ko dun... kaso seeing and reading the case ng parents ko really makes me cry every night
and it gives me a very hard time to sleep lately... and honestly im really having the hard time... with all things na hinanarap ko... also, the only thing to solve this ay mabenta yung loteng binebenta namin, yung 1 hectare... so much pressure, di lang sa kanila, pati ko, pressure...

pero, ang nakakatuwa dito, is when you txtd me, the one where you replied sa email ko regarding sa cds mo... na i should take my time with ur cds and "take it easy"... hindi mo alam kung gaano gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa simpleng text message mo... and for the fact that im been trying to cope up with the bad/horrible things iv done to you... again, im so sorry for hurting you. and i know how much mad, angry, sad and betrayed you felt then...at hindi ko talaga mapatawad ang sarili ko sa nagawa ko... i was a very bad friend to my
best friend... and i realize how important our friendship is and im not giving up on that. as i said before, you are still my best friend... and yet i understand, very much, why we should not see each other for a while... anyway, you just don't know how overwhelmed i was when i received your text, i literally got down on my knees and cried... parang all the strings of hope na pingaha-hang on ko ay tumibay...TNX bro... you dnt know how much it meant to me...

by the way, my parents wants to ask ur mom or your aunt fely kung may kilala silang serious buyer ng lupa, yung mga naghahanap ng 1 hectare... pero dnt tell them na na-foreclose kami... kasi di pa final yung laban eh... di lng nila na-text ikaw kasi nahihiya sila.

tnx bro... hope to hear & see from ya soon.

always hoping the best for you! ingatz!!

-end-


so... what do i think of it... good enough, dba?

later...

Thursday, April 29, 2004

April 29, 2004 / 7:49pm

maaga ako 2mrw... kasi ill drive my mo to makati, RCBC bldg... to meet someone, who will (hopefully) help us with the family crisis we are now facing (those assholes from the bank really think they can win... ano sila, sinuswerte!) anyways... after driving my mom to makati & to her office ill go home and go to makati my commuting (naks!!)...PPPPRRREEESSSUUURRREEE!!! but hey! atleast i get to commute and ride the trains again...

im still tired from badminton kanina... but it's a good stress reliever... believe me!! astig mag-badminton!! haaayyy!!! :P

ill just rest for a while and 2mrw is another day... SIGHS!! :D

later.
April 29, 2004 / 7:13am

naiinis ako, kasi na-1st blood ako sa 1st exam ko... pero sobrang pagod na talaga ako nung night before at nakatulog ako, at hirap pala talagang i-cram yung mga lessons an hour before the exam... ayon tuloy 38/100 ang score ko (SIGHS!)

anyways, its thursday, my car isn't allowed to go roaming, except between 10am-3pm... kaya later at 930am ill drive my mo to her office and drop the strada to my kuya's house at makati and ill commute goin to school via lrt-mrt... whohoo!! :P

hay, miss ko pa rin best friend ko... but i know things will get better... yehey!!

later!! :P

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

April 28, 2004 / 7:37pm

so, last night jax texted me, telling me that he read the email iv sent the day before... well the email is about his cds and the "difficulties" i am experiencing lately... he texted, "ok lng, take ur tym. take it easy." WHOA!! my reaction went up... i wasn't expecting him to reply, or even say those things "take it easy" to me... but i felt a relief and a big hope, that shows that the renovation is quite doing well. im happy... di ko nga ma-erase sa fone ko eh.

i miss him, still... but my hope is getting better & stronger. :D

im happy, kahit mdyo asar at bagsak ang exam ko kanina sa psych (first blood, took its toll!!)

hay... buhay nga naman!!

later! :P
April 28, 2004 / 6:32am

its just 1 month before my bday... wala lang...

di pa ako nakaka-review for my exam later at 9am... and i have to drive my mom to her office... PPPPRRREEESSSSUUURRREEE!!!

at nag-text sa akin si jax... ill write nlng later pagbalik ko... aasikaso ko na muna yung exam ko....

later!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

April 27, 2004 / 7:34am

it's happening again, im having trouble sleeping right... it's like going back to square one (minus the crying and puking).

ganun na ba akong ka-depressed?!? SIGHS!

maybe i need some activity, like badminton games, kung saan napapagod ako and thus, i can get a good sleep.

hirap talaga nang ganito... even if sometimes i want to straighten things up, di pa pwede eh... hay naku!! ASAR!!

i miss my best friend... and im so sorry for what i did... i messed up, badly! but im not giving up on our friendship... NEVER!!

later...

Monday, April 26, 2004

April 26, 2004 / 10:20pm

i love nina! not in that kind of way... the love a friend would give a fellow friend kind of love...gets? anyway, i jus saw her posting sa friendster, and all i wanted to say is "thank you" to her. kasi, atleats, i kinda gave her hope, or even a small peace of mind... THANK YOU!!

anyways, ill be getting the other cd for jax hopefully 2mrw, so i cud drop the 2 cds at his place within this week... and im hoping that we cud talk or something, iwa-one time, big time ko 'to... kahit alam ko it won't be a one-time, big-time thing... best friend ko pa rin sya, no matter what!!

1st exam ko na sa wedenesday, and somehow, im quite nervous... dunno why. im kinda feeling im gonna pass naman, pero medyo kinakabahan ako... sighs!! kaba lang 'to... :P

ill try to fix and help with the renovation this week, and i hope things would be cool (or better) for me and my best friend... :) wish me luck!!

later!! :P
April 26, 2004 / 9:12am

i trully miss my best friend... si jax yon! and also, im afraid of him... kinda weird. but i miss him (so much!)... i know how mad he is, how angry he is and how sad he is, it really makes me feel low and down right guilty that i hurt and took advantage of my best friend... how bad of a friend am i?! but now im taking amends of all the things iv done to my best friend... and im hoping that there will come a time that all the things that happended in the past, would just be a laugh or nothing at all...

GOD i miss him so much!! and also, please guide me and also my family in this situation we are going through...

anyway... later.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

April 24, 2004 / 8:34am







just a blank space...later.












...

Friday, April 23, 2004

April 23, 2004 / 9:41pm

i hate the burdens i am carrying right now... and also, i hate being emotional, too emotional, on the things that are happening to me and around me... susmaryosep!! sighs!!

i pray for a miracle... that is all i am asking... a miracle for everything that is happening right now.

from my best friend (jax) and my parent's health to our financial difficulties... a miracle would be good. (kahit kina nina, isali na rin!)

hay naku...

later.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

April 21, 2004 / 8:00am

na-praning ako yesterday... but iv talked to lloyd for advice... and he said what jax told me before and that is to have more outlets... friends to be exact... kasi im so much focused on jax, my best friend, that i forgot my other friends... TIME really takes a long time to heal things... masakit talaga but im willing to face it, para maayos ang lahat... mahal ko kasi ang mga kaibigan ko, at willing ako to give time to heal things up.

later.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

April 18, 2004 / 6:35pm

hay... got too sleepy... didnt have the time to read the book for psych 2mrw... SIGHS!! but got to check nina, on how she is... she's quite ok, but still not yet off the woods...

anyways, i miss jax... i texted him kanina, still im not expecting him to reply (kahit there's a small expectation that he will reply)... sinabi ko lang na ill be dropping his cds this week... im hoping that i cud use his burner, ibu-burn ko ng cd si wendi eh... im just hoping... anyways im hoping for the best and also expecting the unexpected (hirap!!) but im strong... and try not to be affected by it. love ko yang best friend ko eh... ill give up my life for him, and for my friends that i do love so much!! :)

later.
April 18, 2004 / 9:04am

things aren't always what they are... sometimes you don't know someone that well... this the thing i've learned about my friend, nina... i feel so sorry for her... B & Nina broke up... and now she's in full bitch mode... shocking sa akin yon!! but im rooting for her, what ever happens... after listening to her kaninang madaling araw, it kinda hit me on what me & jax faced... i quite guilty nga eh, because im the bad guy in our situation, kaya through nina's side, i get to see and know jax's side better... i was an awful person and a bad friend to him... that i learned... and this time im really taking time seriously, kahit matagal ng konti at masakit sa akin... i won't loose my faith on him... mahal ko yung best friend ko eh.

later.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

April 17, 2004 / 7:41pm

my body is still aching... OUCH!! having a hard time to walk...GRRRR!!!
but the Happy Tree Friends are making me happy!! :P even at this time of grief.
lalalalala..lalalala.lalalala.lalalalala...lalalalalala..lallalalalala.... :D

hehehe... astig talaga anf HTF!! :P they rule!!

hay naku... keeps me happy... :P

later.
April 17, 2004 / 8:23am

my body hurts... a lot!! my thigh muscles are cramming, my legs are like beaten up and im having a hard time to walk straight... OUCH!! ='(

ang hirap pala talaga kung di mo nakakausap ang best friend ko... i miss him... so much, but i think it has to be this way until the right time comes for us to be cool... SIGHS!!

later.

Friday, April 16, 2004

April 16, 2004 / 9:10pm

BADMINTON is good!! believe me!! papayat ako dito sa sports na 'to!! grabe enjoy!! kaso i feel that parang bugbog ang mga muscles ko. :P

anyway, ill be going to a funeral right now... but the day (so far) went well!! :P

but im still miss my best friend, JAX... but i have to be patient and be confident and also, NEVER LOOSE HOPE... kasi all is for the betterment of our friendship, and a renovation is needed... I WONT GIVE UP!! love ko yang best friend ko eh...

later! :P
April 16, 2004 / 8:33am

ill drive my mom later, somewhere but i dont want to skip school... AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

later.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

April 14, 2004 / 12:47pm

may pasok pala si jax... i think he's taking the thing that replaces for the ROTC thing... anyways, im having the flu again!! KAASAR nga eh!! sinisipon nanaman uli ako... grrr!! i have to finish the draft pa of mama's paper... at sana i cud finish this today... with this condition, ill try my best... plus my papais quite annoying right now, daming drama!! SIGHS!! kakain na muna ako ng lunch, tapos steam up and type... and fetch mama...

later.
April 14, 2004 / 6:02am

im having another episode of attacks, attacks of depression... because i miss my best friend so much. and it also involves the attack of the monster, but i have to keep myself on the ground... SIGHS!! it's hard to handle it, but i must do it, because i care for our friendship so much, that im will to fight for it. even if it cost my very own life. God, i miss him! but i know that time is making renovations to our friendship... and im taking the time, full-time.

minsan gusto ko siyang tawagan, pero natatakot na ako, pero im not also giving up... love him, like my brother... the brother i wish i had...

later...

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

April 13, 2004 / 9:24am

just got home, kakahatid ko lng sa nanay ko... and ill be taking a bath a little later than im off to KC to reg for summer class...

anyway, im downloading wallpapers right now... from hellboy to kill bill... enjoy! :P sighs!! i really miss my best friend... but i know i have to tame this monster before everything else, part of the renovation period...

papasama ako 2mrw kay lloyd to go to manila city hall... i cn say road trip... hmm... :P

anyway, later nlng uli!! :D
April 13, 2004 / 5:43am

bakit ganito ako? why are my "defense mechanism" up again that make me quite pissed off on something... SIGHS!! anyway, i miss na best friend so much, i am hoping that the RENOVATION would still make us cool...

i love mondays, kasi buffy day yon!! galing lumalabas na yung mga potential slayers!! wohoo!! :P

anyway, ill reg for summer later na... later! :D

Monday, April 12, 2004

April 12, 2004 / 3:37pm

WINDOWS XP na uli ang PC... wohooo!!!

hay naku!! im quite tired na rin... but ill take a quick shower a little bit later and fetch my mama na...

later na lang uli!!

XP!! :P

Saturday, April 10, 2004

April 10, 2004 / 9:20pm

amazing... kanina i found out that someone prayed for the RENOVATION of me and my best friend... that touched me so much... tnx bro!! (u know who u are!) anyways, kaninag around 3pm i sent the text to him... and there i did it and im hoping things will be ok or sumthng... but im praying that it will be ok...

hope the best for us!! gud luck!!

later!! :P
April 10, 2004 / 9:41am

what's the threat if i send the message? well, he might reply and tell that im too dramatic, or he might not reply...forever, or reply and tell me that he miss me to and that it will still take time to repair everything, or... im having to many "ors".... SIGHS!! bahala na ako!! later ill send the message, and just be prepared for some verbal beating or something beating... ill take the blows!!
ill be ready. ONE TIME, BIG TIME!!

neway, it's been more than a month naman eh... and its a holy weekend naman, i see no harm... NO HARM, NO FOUL! send ko na mamaya... i can do it and i believe!! i trully miss him naman talaga eh... and im sorry for messing up things and im getting better and realizing stuff around me and also im loving myself more... i think i can do it and be more positive and be more "looking-for-the-bright-side" of all situation... :)

hay naku... i just want to be all the same and normal... ang hirap to be honest... what a big irony nga talaga!!

anyway, later nlng uli!! c",)

Friday, April 09, 2004

April 9, 2004 / 8:16pm

it's quite a good, Good Friday naman... hmm... kasi kaka-friendster ko lang at nakita at nahanap ko ang mga ka-VCM pips ko (aka former church pips) at si ms. nery... my 4th year class adviser!! :)

anyway, kaninang umaga, cookie texted me a very nice quote... and it kinda hit me and realizing it, i do miss my best friend... gusto ko nga iforward tong txt sa kanya, kaso im not sure kung it's the right time... but i think it's not yet the right time... ata... neway, na-save ko naman and hopefully i can send it on the right time... hmm... naging dilemma tuloy sa akin 'to kanina pa... SIGHS!!

anyway, i need someone to talk too... maybe lloyd can give me advice... anyways, later na lang uli!! :P

Thursday, April 08, 2004

April 8, 2004 / 10:13pm

im having another damn allergic reaction... the flu and watery eyes... DAMMIT!!

im having a hard time right now... but the CSI marathon im having right now kinda keeps me cool... :)

maraming tao ngayon ang naglalakad patungong antipolo church... kaya nagbebenta kami ngayon na drinks for the walkers... :P

anyways, im suffering from this gadammit cold again... and i wanna call jax (BUT i cant!! not yet!!)... anyways... i hvae to stand still and be more patient than before... im getting better na nga eh!! and ill do my best not to be that depressed again... i believe in myself and i can do it!! :)

hay naku...

gotta get back to the CSI marathon again... later!!

kill bill rocks!!!! :P
April 8, 2004 / 7:20am

saw the new movie poster ng Kill Bill vol.2......... COOL POSTER!! ASTIG!!!
April 8, 2004 / 6:52am

i just love watch The Wild Thornberries sa nick... wala lng, i get to watch good & cool toons lately... :)

anyway, yesterday i watch The Passion again, and this time with lloyd & his date, gel... gel's ok. she's nice and i hope lloyd would realize she quite a girlfriend material for him... boto ako sa kanya! :P

laki talaga ng impact sa akin yung Passion, kahit 2nd time ko panoorin... basta it pushed a lot of buttons!! i wanna watch it again... sana napanood na rin ni jax...

anyway, later nlng uli!! :P

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

April 6, 2004 / 4;45pm

well, i did what a friend would do... i texted jax. i just txtd him na wala na yung mga reviewers niya dito... hay naku... im bored... i hope i cud get out and hang out with lloyd... hmm... anyways, im still bored... may nagpapabasa dito sa chapel... wala lng... boring pa rin... every holy week naman eh... its like the street of racoon city every holy week... except holy thursdays nights, palaging maraming taong naglalakad.... as sobrang dami!! :P

i think ill just read my psych book on sensation and perception, para i cud learned something while bored... plus i can be a little bit advance for summer... gosh im so monica and excited for summer class... hehehe!!

later!! :P
April 6, 2004 / 12:43pm

im quite bored, no friends to talk to... yayayain ko sana si lloyd na manood ng The Passion 2mrw eh... neway, i dunno... im suppose to be in baguio, or on the road goin to baguio right now... but no, im here at my house... anyway... im quite ok... bored lng... :P

jax txtd me kanina, asking kung may naiwan siyang MSA reviewer... well i cnt reply... kasi ayaw ko... at wala naman dito yung review... sighs!! pabaya talaga 'tong best friend ko... hehehe :P i hope he finds whatever he is looking...

neway, ill be taking lunch in a few minutes... later nlng uli!! :)

Sunday, April 04, 2004

April 4, 2004 / 8:10pm

right now... i miss my best friend... dunno why, but im getting over with all the being sad and depress (so far...)

last friday night pinanood ko yung The Passion of the Christ... words were not enough to explain on what i have watched... it really hit a lot of buttons to me... from my family to my friends situations... everything!! i love watching it again, kahit solo lang ako... and it was not that disturbing at all... it's more of a film that can hit people in a divine way that God want us to see... anyways, IT WAS AWESOME!! it gave me a lot to think about and how to deal with the situations i am facing... :)

yesterday naman, i got to talk to ate kay... tell her the good news at kamustahin sya... i feel worried about her back... i hope she's getting better... miss ko na rin siya!!

anyways, uli, later na lng!! :P

Friday, April 02, 2004

April 2, 2004 / 8:13am

belated april fools!! :p

anyway,enjoy kahapon, hang out with lloyd & nina... wala lng. trip lng... and the thing is nag-enjoy ako.

today, i dnt know, pero ill drive and make some errands... grocery and all... anyways, maybe di ako makakasama with lloyd & nina muna... pero sana tuloy kami 2mrw to watch a movie...

anyways (uli)... later nlng!! :)

btw, i still miss jax... i wish we could talk soon... kasi there's a lot of questions and clarification to clear out first na medyo di ko gets...

later uli!! :)