i'm a jerk... so far that's it.

i am a selfish person... i just want to be happy.

even if there are times i would extend my hand just to help someone i care... then just one moment of selfishness, thou it's not actually intended to be a selfish act (again, i just want to be happy) things go crazy... thou i saw my mistake, things, i think, are different after...

thou in my part, i was waaaay too excited and too self-centered to let my 'id' take control of me... but who cares...

...ayaw ko na rin patulan pero, it really makes me guilty sa pagagamali ko... thus making me think deeply... and i hate thinking deep... makes me depress, sad and paranoid... like i thought i felt i was palpitating... heart was beating fast... a feeling that i thought it will never happen again...

it has been a while...

lately, i would post my journal entries on my other blog... my LJ account.

but thinking it thru... i miss this blog too... so i'm deciding that i'll post most of my other emo's here and the general ones on my LJ.... for example.... i'll post the things that happened on my LJ and i'll put the mixed-emo's on this blog...

in other words, this blog will be my outlet for my rants, shouts, frustrations, accomplishments and other mixed feeling of what i want to say... but can't say it.

...just like the previous blog entry... gets?

stupid rant...

* if that person is able to read this... sorry, i'm just ranting out the feelings i had during those times... because i don't have anyone to talk with regarding this... i'm just ranting it all out on this blog...

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ba't ganoon? when you needed that person to be with you... di siya sisipot.
for example...

it's my b-day... and for the past bdays you want that person to be there, because that person is somewhat special in my life, but sadly that person can't come and would just make lame excuses why that person wasn't able to come to my bdays...

then when there's a common friend who has bday, that same person would make ways to come to that common friends bday... later on that same person would ask me to tag-along with that common friends bday... later to inform you that it's not good to go to common friend's bday cuz im not invited... then later on that person would ask a 'big' favor if i could fetch that person and drive that person home... one thing, that person is drunk and the other thing is that person is scared to take a cab because that person is drunk...

me on the other hand is really stupid, to let that person take advantage of my trust... how stupid can i be?!?

i feel that every time a similar situation happens to me and involves that person... i feel that i have a mark on forehead that says STUPID!...


stupid... stupid... STUPID ME!!!