Christ, what an asshole.

How can you enjoy a game (let's say DOTA or L4D) w/ your friends if your friends don't want you to join?

Whatever happened to having fun and supporting one another... you know, friendship?

I guess it says about being into groups or packs... like wolves or something. There will come a time that your so-called "friends" will stab you at the back and just leave you dead.

So far, it's the thing that is running in my head with some or most people here at work.

And somehow it's the reason why I'm planning to leave soon. To avoid any connections with them. They're such assholes. Seriously, even some people whom I trust a lot.

Anyway, I can still stay calm and keep it all to myself, or just releasing it through this blog.

And if ever I join them they'll mock me on why I "walked-out" before... sighs! how shallow can they get? Assholes!

Oh well, somehow, I still really feeling bad about it. But somehow, still can be subtle about it.... for now.

Now I really feel angry to all of them! Fuck them all!! I hope they all die!! (I know I sound like brat, but I'm starting to get angry while typing this blog... grrrr... I just really that angry towards them... all focused, enjoying and laughing there in the other room. sighs!)

Sometimes I just want to report them so that they deserve it, but I can't.

They're still my friends. Friends to tend to be assholes.

Anyway, I'm still angry at them and the one whom I considered close mocks me more... gaaaah!!

I'm still pissed!

grrrr...

why oh why... tsk tsk

hmm... the students haven't started to text me.

this is bad. really, REALLY BAD.

Bad in a sense that we can't do time-travel and make it all work right. I know there's a solution on this one, get the list of the 10 and call them to remind them. But I have other priorities to do, but I guess I should try to juggle things out and fix it.

Fix it. That's 2 words that somehow I'm not good at all. But let's see if I can fix this... w/o the help or assistance of others. It's my mess after all, right?

But still, after all this is done, I'm still going to kill Pong Aguila on this one. hahaha. No worries Pong, we're still good friends, but I'm really going to kill you for this one. :P

Oh well, it's almost 9pm, I need to heat the water, I'll be leaving at around 10pm.

later.

dude... ano ba?

what the heck is wrong with you?

will it be like this always?
like we don't always know each other?

and somewhat you will always have that look on that I'm nobody you know... sighs.

this is tiring and bullshit!

i know i that i did something wrong, but i don't know what it is... and somehow you already made that face on me so please tell me.

and let's talk. i know you are also concern to your friends. but you seldom say it and you always (ALWAYS) approach me in an offensive way that i no longer understand.

so please, i wanna talk things out... I may sound like a girl but hey! I'm your friend too... and I considered you as a very close friend.

wrongers...

what's wrong with me?

sometimes I'm not sure what the heck I'm doing with stuff around me.

I'm not even sure if what I'm doing is right or am I doing something that hurts others, basically if I'm doing something wrong.

well, i hate it when i'm just being paranoid with the thought. but if it's happening and i'm hearing stuff, it makes me wanna punch that person who said it and ask for some proves if what i'm doing is really wrong. because it's really disappoint that i'll know it after i've done the thing a lot of times in the past.

so, what the heck is wrong with me?

am i doing something wrong? if i am and it's been a while, there should be a negative effect by now right? but i don't see anything wrong or awkward, right?

why would they tend to mess-up with my head right now, i'm not in the right situation to be messed-up by these shits.

i got more things to focus, but this... this stuff i'm getting at work... it's really something.

oh well, i guess i need to "compensate" with some stuff on my day-job and with my eca's...

i guess less income for me this 3 months... sighs.


anyway, have to device another gameplan for the next days to come.


laterz....

my thoughts as of the present...

- I know it's not my business, but somehow i wanna ask "what's wrong?" and "are you guys ok?" but i don't want to sound like I'm prying on it. I'm just really concern to the both of you, 'cause both of you are really close to me and I don't want to see you both in an awkward situation. I love you guys!!

- I know you are tired from your holiday tour. but somehow do you really have to ignore me? I know you're tired and all. But every time!!! you really tend to give the shortest of short answers. you're like one of those applicants i interview that would not expound or go into some small details. they just give a one word answer. thus me failing them for not able to express themselves well enough. please i know you, and you're not like those people i interview. you're my closest friend. but sometimes, really sometimes, i feel like I'm nothing to you. and I'm hoping that feeling is not true.

- I'm not energized to do work anymore. and i don't know why. i want to grow more and learn more. but sometimes i just want to just stay in one area. and be annoying. and it's starting to annoy me that I'm becoming annoying at my line of work. what should i do?



... there some thoughts that have been running in my head lately.

no pun intended to some people that I'm referring at in this blog entry.

mad again

yes. i'm mad at this friend again for a stupid thing he did. i just can't stand what he did kanina at work and meddling with my personal stuff.

i know i have every right to be mad at him... and it really ruined my day's plan.

sighs!!!

i may join you on some crazy stuff but please, ilagay mo rin minsan sa lugar!! nakaka-bad trip ka talaga!


right now i'm deciding to not to see this friend for now... "see" in a sense never speaking to him, ignore his presence and just try to be civil at him when it's work related. if it's not work related forget it for now. again i'm really mad at him. and it may take more than 5 days to not really "see" him.

i've said my piece awhile ago by texting how i felt on the thing that happened.

i'm really REALLY mad at him!!!

erratic attacks

what am i feeling right now?

well, i am having erratic feeling right now, with what's going on in my life... lots of erratic feelings... that would really contradict each other.

i just don't know how to fix it.

and the part that i hate is that, it's all on me... just me to fix. which is really logical since it's my life and not others.

so the question in my head that always asks me is, 'how do i fix myself, all by myself?'

well, it's starting to affect people whom i see close to me.

and somehow, in any point, trust can be shaken as well.



i guess there i was able to blog-out what i have not blogged or blurted out since i stopped blogging for more than months already.


now... just now, while i am typing this entry it kind of felt good. but i know i am not yet out of the dark place just yet. it may take time but at least i getting started to move for the better good. well i hope it's for the better good for myself and not the other way around, which is bad.

oh well, i guess that's it for now.

maybe soon i can blog-up again for updates on my so-called-life...


five by five.

need a proper tune in work

i need a happy-working song right now...

i'm still somehow thinking a lot of stuff lately. and somehow, i seem think or really decide on what to do with it.

well, one part of what i'm talking about is work.

yeah. work. my current situation here at work.

i can say it's a bitch that i'm still here doing the routine job. but i just got promoted with a good increase in my salary. so i guess i can't seem to really decide what to do.

well, now i can say i have really, REALLY good friends here at work. but somehow, even my friendship with them is being tested.

i wish our team lead would go and do the "team meeting" we all (well, most of us) planned to do... i see and predict it will be dirty, but i'm also seeing the positive result of it... and somehow, the bonds of friendship we (and i) have with the team will be stronger.

anyway, that's one concern with work. also related with work is my current status.

yeah, as i mentioned a while ago, i got promoted.

promoted. so that means a big salary.

and also a big adjustment. in terms of added work-load. well, work-load before my promotion was still really heavy...

anyway... i want to put a lot of stuff here, but i'm typing it here at my station... so i guess it's better to put everything later... to avoid "contamination" and better editing.

oh well, i guess i really need a happy-working song right now.

just to make the start of my work week something worth it to report.


anyway, it's been a while since i put something on my blogger... maybe in the next few days i'll be putting a lot more... kinda missed blogging around.


laterz.

stupid rant...

* if that person is able to read this... sorry, i'm just ranting out the feelings i had during those times... because i don't have anyone to talk with regarding this... i'm just ranting it all out on this blog...

---------
ba't ganoon? when you needed that person to be with you... di siya sisipot.
for example...

it's my b-day... and for the past bdays you want that person to be there, because that person is somewhat special in my life, but sadly that person can't come and would just make lame excuses why that person wasn't able to come to my bdays...

then when there's a common friend who has bday, that same person would make ways to come to that common friends bday... later on that same person would ask me to tag-along with that common friends bday... later to inform you that it's not good to go to common friend's bday cuz im not invited... then later on that person would ask a 'big' favor if i could fetch that person and drive that person home... one thing, that person is drunk and the other thing is that person is scared to take a cab because that person is drunk...

me on the other hand is really stupid, to let that person take advantage of my trust... how stupid can i be?!?

i feel that every time a similar situation happens to me and involves that person... i feel that i have a mark on forehead that says STUPID!...


stupid... stupid... STUPID ME!!!