the year that was... WOW!!

yeah, in a few hours from now, i say good-bye to 2005 and say hello to 2006 (which is also the year of the Dog, my YEAR!!!)

anyways, things were really unexpected this 2005... well, unexpected and expected... it's like i know it will happen, but i just don't know when it will happen... gets?

anyways... i wasn't expecting that i'll be having great friends, but the price of having them has an expiration date. though it's sad to know 'bout that, i still try to be close with some of them...

there's also the comeback of my best friend, yeah, it was May 25, 2005 that made me and my best friend (jax) friends again (yehey!!!)... and now, comparing it from the last time, i think our bonds are more stronger than ever... we trust each other and a lot more... (yeah, past is past, but still, in my head i still have some questions that i wanna asked him... but i guess the answers of those questions will come out when the right time comes... i really do not need it to push it... kusa din yang lalabas... right?)

and there's also the victory of my thesis... it was something challenging, yet i still got to kick-ass in my thesis... with the pressures and the gall-stone i have, it was a very tough time for me though... but with friends like jax, nina, my FA-family and mga ka-psychs... i was able to give my best... and thus, i gave my very best. yipee on that!! :P

oh yeah, before the whole me-&-my-best-friends-are-friends-again and the thesis-gig... there was the practicum i did during the summer... yeah it was something fun to experience.. it gave me the realization that i should look for a decent or good-paying job right after graduation... so a few months back, i tried-out for a call center job (but failed) and right now i tried-out also at starbucks (still waiting for the call from the store manager)... i guess, it's the time na rin to be more independent and be more on my own, financially and other aspects of living... to sum it up, nangangati na ako mag-trabaho. :P

... and my TV appearences... being a judge of the Philippine Lottery and a contestant at Pilipinas Game KNB?... it was a big fun to experience these things... :P

well, i guess that's for the positive-happy side of 2005... (oh yeah!! i forgot my Bday get-together... it was the best bday ever!!!)


the sad-negative part of 2005 were the following...

...there's my Ate Kay going to australia for good... though im really happy for her there, i still miss her... she helped me a lot on moving-on in my life...

and there's also the thing that happened last March 21, 2005... in which the FA-family left me drunk at Katipunan... though i have forgiven them, that doesn't mean i have forgotten about their immature acts... but yeah, i still love them and all, but still... masakit yung ginawa nila sa akin eh... and they know me naman eh... but hey, somehow, i should leave all sad-negative things that happened in 2005 on that year, right? it's gonna be a new year hours from now... so it's just water under the bridge...

oh... i forgot, well it's just a petty thing... but i think i should include the battle i loss in winning the heart of Isa Crespo... though we're civil and yeah we would chat sometimes, i still have feelings towards her (but not that much na...) but hey, i'll just let my pride and ego speak and say that it's her loss not mine (hehehe... blog ko nman ito eh, kaya being narcissistic here is normal)



yeah, im cool na rin with all the things that happened to me this 2005... i still learned a lot from it... and still learning from it...

so cheers to 2005... it was fun doing it!!! WOW!!!! :P

and now... welcome 2006... the year of the dog!!! and soon on May 2006 (aside from Da Vinci Code and X3)... i'll be 24 years old and hopefully gradurated from college... :P



HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! c",)

something new this coming 2006...

well, i just opened another blog... and this time, it is more theme-oriented than this blog... but i'll be starting to post on the new blog next year, w/c wud be around 2-3 days from now...

anyways, i'll put the link next time... or just check my profile page to know about it... anyways, i think that's it for now...

btw, im quite cool and good na rin... medyo lie-low lang ako right now... di na muna ako mangkukulit sa best friend ko... kasi baka naasar na siya sa akin eh... ayaw ko naman magalit siya sa akin... mahal ko yon eh... hehehe :P

neways... still... happy holidays!! :D

Dedma... (a.k.a. the song about my feelings)

Lagi Mo Na Lang Akong Dinededma
by:Rocksteddy

Matagal ko nang gustong malaman mo
Matagal ko nangg itinatago-tago 'to
Nahihiyang magsalita
At umuurong aking dila
Pwede bang bukas na
Ipagpaliban muna natin 'to

Dahil kumukuha lang ng tiyempo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
Mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita, kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita, kahit 'di mo lang alam, ohwoh..

Matagal ko ng gustong sabihin 'to
Matagal ko ng gustong aminin sa'yo
Sandali, eto na
At sasabihin ko na
Ngayon na, mamaya
O baka pwedeng bukas na

Dahil kumukuha lang ng buwelo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
Mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita, kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam, ohwoh..

Ngunit kumukuha lng ng tiyempo
Upang sbihin sa iyo

spoken:
Mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
Ayaw mo naman itanong sakin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
At hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw
Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
Hindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa
Hindi ako kumikibo hindi ako nagsasalita WALA
Pero hindi ako TORPE
Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan
Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
Hindi mo ko titignan di rin kita titgnan
Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
At araw araw tayong magdededmahan
Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan
Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko
Nais kong magkaalaman na
Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan
Kasi alam kong doon din naman ang tuloy nyan
At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan
Oo o hindi
Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na
At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa
Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema
At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

Mahal kita, pero di mo lang alam
Mahal kita, pero di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita, kahit di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita, kahit lagi mo na lang akong dinededma

STOP!!!

i guess i have to stop it for good. i think that's the only way to really move on...

though it will be a difficulty to do it, i really have no other choices. i must stop it before it can create more damage to myself and to the people i love... so far, it already has taken some toll from the people i love... and i was just too naive and too scared to face my own monster(/s).

and it's not just stopping it, i have to cut it off so it won't come back again...

shit.

i really love these people, and it's gonna be difficult to loose them and not be in my life anymore... but i have to sacrifice them... for their sake and for mine as well.

ang lungkot nga lang isipin na kung kailan patapos na yung taon, doon din magtatapos yung mga pinagsamahan ng mga mahal ko... masakit talaga sa akin, pero wala akong magagawa, ayaw ko madamay sila...

it's really gonna be a difficult one for me this time... i hope there's an alternative way soon.


...though i really love what this year has brought me... i have outwitted the challenges i have faced, got to reunite friendships and was able to surpass what college has given me... and this March 2006, i'll be graudting na rin... it's just the past that keeps on bugging me and i just can't let it just ruin it again...

oh men... this sucks... really!

anyways, have to think it more deep... i wish there's an alternative soon, cuz i'll be needing it... i just don't wanna loose the people that i love.


hope for the best...

...when i can go and shoot myself?

can't think of a theme/title for this blog... although, there are a lot of thing in my mind right now...

anyways, i'll just blog about what happened to me yesterday... though today is still quite young, and i think things can still happen.

i was suppose to blog last night, but the driving from here at antipolo to tagaytay and vise-versa was really somthing to get treally tire off... plus the supper heavy traffic when we were going home... i cn't bloody believe it that i would run our vehicle on 2nd gear on the south super highway last night... ganun ka-traffic... sighs!!

anyways, yesterday, i though it's just those 'visit-a-relative-and-minggle-with-them' old routine... but yeah, it's the same ol' routine... but luckily, i saw an old classmate from my high school... ayon, kwentuhan and kamustahan with my other ol' high school friends and about thier current status in their own live... (even though my high school life was something not memorable and happy, there are notable-positive things that i do treasure about them...) anyways, got to catch up naman, which is cool... and somehow, yeah, i miss them too... (honest! walang plastic ito!! though sometimes, there's the thought of getting back at them, but hey! i believe in karma... i just hope kung kakarmahin na sila, i'll be on the audience sit to watch... hehehe :P )

ayon... good day na rin naman yesterday, 'cept for the freaking cold weather there... i never imagined that it would be that freaking cold at tagaytay...

anyways... ayon na muna... i have to fix my sked for this week... have to catch up na rin with my readings and homewarks, before classes starts next week tuesday... wish me luck...

laterz... c",)

Kinky Christmas... (down boy!!)

something kinky for the holiday season... hehehe!!!

(watch out for the "fireworks" on the 31st... hehehe) :P

laterz dudes & dudettes!!! Happy Holidays again!! c",)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Just ate a quite early christmas dinner (aka. Noche Buena)... and im quite full, i just hope it won't give me pain... i just really pray that no pain would come to me this season...

anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you!!! c",)

Maligayang Pasko!!! Merry Christmas!!! Feliz Navidad!!!

How to survive this weekend (according to Zafra)

(December 24, 2005 /12:29pm)

anyways, it's Christmas eve right now... well, it's the afternoon of the Eve... and so far, i'm just surfing around... and yeah, i wanna put this link of Jessica Zafra's blog about what to do on this yuletide weekend... and i kinda like #3... though it fits my profile, cuz i cnt drink anything alcoholic right now..

3. If you don't feel like drinking, pretend to be drunk anyway. This gives you an excuse to tell people exactly what you think of them. (Unless you're already in the habit of telling people exactly what you think.) Afterwards, you can apologize and blame everything on the nefarious effects of alcohol.

anyways... i can say that christmas this year was a 'so-so' season... cuz there was the bad and the good... and the good over threw the bad... cuz yesterday, i got another cool gift from lloyd & nina... and it's a pinoy comix... it's Zsa-Zsa Zaturnah!!!

so far, i'm happy with the gifts i got from my closest friends (lloyd & nina) and from my best friend (jax)... i think im satisfied na rin with this season... c",)

oh well... MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!


laterz... :P

i don't feel christmas-y this year...

(December 22, 2005 / 8:50pm)

yeah, it's true... the spirit of christmas isn't working its mojos on me this year. though there are some times that i wanna feel the yuletide spirirt, but to no avail, it only last for a very short time. though i loved the gifts, well the gift i got from my best friend, and also the things i bought for myself... it's just different, very different from the past christmas i have before...

let me try and analyze it...

well, there's the not able to attend our ka-psychs x'mas get together... and there's the thing with my FA family (but i guess i really have to get myself out of that picture by now)... oh yeah, most of my friends sees me as a 'disability', due to my current health problem (RE: my gallstone)... and that 'disability' that they see on me makes them to decide not to invite me on their inumans and gimiks...

to be sarcastic... i am enjoying my new point of view about the yuletide season.

and to be frank about it... i sucks... and, yeah, i'm quite disappointed at them...

...good thing there's my best friend and my other close friends... thus to conclude, yeah, in a way there's the tiny bit of christmas spirit still inside me... thanks to them (RE: best friend & closest friends)


anyways, just on the brighter side... loosing weight gave me something to be proud of... got a new pair of pants, shoes... and some other stuff for myself... hehehe :P


i think that's it for the season... HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all of ya...


'cuz it may take a while for me to blog something next... cuz have to deal with these feelings i have for a certain individual (RE: previous blog entry) for a while right now... assess myself if i should try it or not... 'cuz supressing it makes me experience more pain and it could lead to being clinically depress... have to fix it at once...

oh well...


laterz!!!

I'm so tired... but still the feeling i have is still there...

(December 21, 2005 / 7:58pm)

yes, the feelings i have for this certain individual is still there... though it really kills me to know that i still have that feelings... and i don't know how to deal with it. (help!)

i'm also afraid that if i submit myself to the feelings i have, it's will have a domino effect and surely it can end up into something painful to both parties... but more painful to myself.

anyways, i wish time would some that i can say the feelings i have to this specific individual and somehow we will both understand our sides... and somehow there would have a good and happy resolution after.

anyways, it really bugs me, these feelings i have... it's been for months now... though it wasn't a biggie issue to me a year ago, but now it's somehow what's to get notice and taken seriously... i just pray for the right time and oppurtunity to tell the person my feelings about the individual...

anyways, so far, i'm still good... nuthin to worry about, except that (and life after college...)

i guess time will come... but i hope i can handle it, 'cuz the last time was really painful that almost made me clinically depressed...

oh, i guess that's it so far...


laterz... c",)

Something new for me...
(December 17, 2005 / 9:23pm)


i just got myself my own DVD player!!! (yey!)

though, things still are quite shaky right now... with the sliffles too... i'm cool na rin. just need to stay calm, relax and just have a clear thought.

by the way, christmas na rin ako... so i have two weeks of from school... have to catch up with my readings and really start to prep-up for school... kasama na rin yung other 3 subjects ko na may kulang pa... para by March 2006, i'll be graduating on time.

im good... just really have to have a clear way of thinking way through things.

i guess, that's for now...wish me the best.

laterz...

what a F*%king boring day... (what's worst is today is the last day of school for the year)
(December 16, 2005 / 3:43pm)

im bored right now... cuz of my stupid mom's decision to let me wait...

wait for nothing!!!

and it made me decide not to go to our ka-psychs x'mas party... nakaka-asar talaga nanay ko!!

oh well, 2mrw i'll buy a new dvd player... and this time, it's MY dvd player.

o cya... maya nlng uli.

still bored... hope things will be good 2mrw.

laterz. :P

Clips from X3
(December 12, 2005 / 9:14am)


well, after a few days of being mad... im now cool and so far a-ok. right now i'm still at home, cuz my class is still at 1pm later... and i think my best friend will spend a night here, he'll be using my Pc for his research-thing for school-something... anyways, nuthin' new much... except that if ever things went good 2mrw, i'll be going to Market-Market to get some pending comics there...

anyways, here are some pics from X3...


I think this scene is where they (Storm, Wolverine, Colossus, Rogue, Iceman & Shadowcat) came from a Danger Room session... anyhow, it's good to know that there are new mutants that have joined the group...

here's the Brotherhood of Mutants led by Magneto... and surprisingly, Jean Grey (Dark Phoenix) is one of the new members of the group...

galit (in english, anger)
(December 9, 2005 / 8:49pm)


oo, ako'y galit... umaga pa lang hindi na masaya ang araw ako. ngunit nung pumasok ako sa kalay ay sinubukan kong maging masaya. naging masaya nga ako, pero hindi sapat upang matanggal ang aking galit sa aking isipan.

kung nagtataka kayo kung saan ako galit... hindi saan... kanino. galit ako sa nanay ko. dahil sa kanyang walang kwentang letanya kanina umaga. wala sa lugar ang kanyang mga sinasabi. gusto ko sana siya sagutin, ngunit ayaw ko mabwiset ang araw ko... sa totoo, gustong gusto ko siyang barahin sa mga sinasabi niya kanina... kaso pinilit ko na lang ang sarili ko... tinimpis ko na lang ito... ngunit, parang di ko ito papalampasin... kung humirit muli siya bukas ng umaga, bahala na... ano man ang mangyari, isusulat ko na lang muli sa blog na ito bukas (o sa makalawa).

kahit nung sinundo ko siya kanina sa opisina, di ko pinapansin... lalo pang kanina nung nagdadasal kami... talagang galit ako.

kasi naman talaga, wala siyang karapatan mag-drama sa mga pinagsasabi niya... at sana sinuri niya muna ang sitwasyon kanina... nakakabwiset lang talaga ang nanay ko!!

putang ina niya talaga.



...ayon, naibuhos ko na ata yung nasa loobin ko tungkol sa aking galit sa araw na ito. sarap talagang barahin o sagutin ang mga sinasabi ng nanay ko kanina...

grrr!!!

o, cya... ito na muna sa araw na ito.


(i think this is good enough to vent off my anger... and typing it in my native tongue feels good... i think i should type in filipino more often...)

laterz...

i so happy!!! (cuz i just got to download the X3 trailer!)
(December 8, 2005 / 7:28pm)


i just got a copy of the 1st trailer of X3... now i'll just try to open it with something...

pero im so happy & excited!!

anyways... the day was quite good na rin... kasi i got to woke-up early a while ago for my job interview for starbucks at makati. though it went good, i hope when i call them 2mrw it's a good-good news for me... so that i cud contact one of the co-applicants i met there and buy the toys i want for collection. :P

then after the interview at makati, i commuted towards kalayaan... it was fun... kasi i get to travel fast and light going to school... though i hated the pants im wearing, cuz it's raining and its getting wet... sira tuloy yung pagka-semi formal ko... hehehe :p

then going home, i took a ride with jax then i was dropped off at the front gate of our house... then now... i just got the trailer of X3... whopee!! :P

lupet!! :P

anyways... gotta rest na muna... so far i have just ran out of adrenaline... hehehe :P

laterz... c",)

X3: The Last Stand (opens May 2006)
(December 6, 2005 / 8:20pm)


well... here's the first look of Kelsey Grammer as the Beast for X3:The Last Stand... though the title seems a give way that it's gonna be the last x-men flick ever (but i hope it's not true!!!)


anyways... below naman is a clip from the trailer... and a first glimpse of Angel too... :P

here's a clip from the teaser trailer... it's where angel unfolds his wings... and he's in a sort-of-a laboratory... i think the lady on the right is Dr. Kavita Rao... and i dnt know who is the guy on the left... anyways... i haven't downloaded the trailer, think a lot of people are downloading it... so i guess i'll give a fews days before i can rip it. :P

my war against my gall-stone...(the pain that i can't take it anymore)
(December 5, 2005 / 7:01pm)


well, last night i had another gall-stone attack... and the pain is getting worst than before... it really made me weak... and scared too.

there were times that i would really just want to pass-out just to not feel the pain, but i can't... the pain is really something i can't just ignore it. around 10:30pm last night it started, then i took the medicine to kill the pain, but to no avail... it gets more painful.

then i started to shout, because of the pain... im wishing that it would just be gone... im willing to go under the knife just to remove this stone that has been bothering me since i was finishing my thesis two months ago...

anyways, at around 1:30am, i was sent to the ER... just inject me with good pain-killers... first hospital that i was brought to was Amamng Rodriguez at marikina... it was a not-so-friendly ER... then my mom decided to bring me to Medical City's ER, for sure the doctors there will surely assists me... and it's true, once i was there, this nice doctor assisted me and in a way give me some anti-puking injections and the same painkiller i ingested when the pain started to attack me (but what the doctor gave me was the injectable version, so that it can work faster)...

that was aournd past 2am... 10-15minnutes later the pain went from heavy to light... and i thought i was out of the woods... i was wrong.

then at around 3am, the pain was getting to gets its revenge... and it's worst than before... i was screaming again... then my mom ask the doctor if i could get another and better pain-killer... then they gave me the ultimate pain-killer, demerol... it's the same thing that made me woozy when i was rushed at Capitol two months ago... it's strong enough that it made me sleep soundly. and the pain was gone.

at around 6am.. i woke up and pain was gone... thank god for that!!

right now... im eating no solid food right now... i have to go back to my strict-fruits-only diet for a week... just to avoid the pain again. then im planning to get an ultrasound within a week, just to check on my stone... whether it reduced its size or worst... but i hope it would be good news for me.

and when our family is financially stable... im planning to remove this thing... but things can still change... we might look for another way in removing it.

painful day... but im happy i have survived it. and oh yeah, during those painful ordeal, i miss my friends... though i got my strenght from my mom and sister during those times, i miss my friends too, cuz from them also i get my strenght too...

anyways... im cool na... just hope i can be healed as soon as possible... hope for the best for me.

laterz...

It happened again... and it's painful (though i hope this won't happen again days from now)
(December 2, 2005 / 1:06pm)


yesterday was my parent's anniversary... and there was a small feast, just between the family... then i ate.

then came night time... my abdomen area is starting to feel pain again... thus i drank the medicine that was prescribe to drink if ever i feel pain... and drunk the last camomile teabag... then i went to sleep...

the following day, at around 2:30am... i woke up with the pain reoccuring again... and this time, i know it's the same pain i had 2 months ago, with a little bit more painful by a notch... so i took another prescirbed medicine i took a few hours back... but to no avail, it somehow it didn't work... the pain was really fucking painful... then my parents assisted me to take the natural way of healing... in way, i was relieved by around 5:30am...

then i went to sleep... woke-up at around 10-ish... with some feezing feeling... though the pain is gone, i hope it won't return in a long time... and i hope my gall-stone is back to it's rest-mode... anyways, right now im good.

i just didn't went to school today... and yeah, my best friend is going some bday treat of one of our friends from high school, and he tried to make me tag-along... but i just declined it, without telling the reason why... i think it's better he doesn't know what i went through in the wee hours of the morning... don't want him to be concern of anything...

anyways... that's it for now... have to go back to square one of my diet... soup.

laterz... c",)